Before I developed anxiety, I would push myself to my limit. My perfectionism didn’t allow me to do anything but my best, and because of that I never looked at myself or my health before making decisions. In my days after college living with anxiety, making decisions about everything has to be thought out with my health first changing my approach on life entirely.
I’ve been in the most uncomfortable situations because I have to explain to people that I can’t. I’ve never known myself to not do something because of my mental health, but the past 2 years have been both humiliating and embarrassing. I have to measure stress levels in environmens, decide what’s best for me based on whether I would get overwhelmed or not and it’s not been easy what’s so ever.
I’ve learned, however, that because of my anxiety I’m the most important person in my life. If I want to heal, I have to put myself first no matter who judges me and thinks that I’m weak, overexagerating, or believes what I’m going through is not real. Although I’ve cried having this realization many times in the past year, I can say that I refuse to have another panic attack another day in my life. I will not backtrack my healing to make money or satisfy anyone’s inability to see the realness in my struggle.
I’m my first priority and I will find peace in my mental chaos. I will surround myself with things that are good and not allow anyone to tell me that I’m crazy.
I love myself and will continue with my healing in ways that I know best. The only person who can tell me how to heal me is me. I will heal by understanding and knowing myself.
My healing will progress by me having a voice about my well-being.
Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. How is it that I can love deeply like this? I think of the ways that can make someone else smile. I spend hours looking for something or thinking up ideas on ways I can express my love. Why? Is it that serious? But then I feel bad because sometimes I don’t get the magnitude of love back that I’m giving so I break down. I feel betrayed. Why do I love like this? Even when I can’t afford to love like I do, I’ll go broke drowning in my giving.
I wish I can give the world when I can’t. I’m working too hard to get the love I’m letting out. I don’t want to look crazy for being creative with my love so I feel like I’m retreating to a dark place in my self-esteem. I’m afraid of being hurt and embarrassed for doing too much.
I will be brave in the next steps of my life. I will take the risks necessary to get where I want. I will be the boss and I will not be afraid or anxious to make decisions. I deserve to want to wake up because I’m living the life I worked to build. I’m able to do what I put my potential to.
I’m strong in my bravery. I’m my own limit. I can do this.
Remind yourself that you can create and navigate your career. Open your minds to different paths and approaches that all ultimately lead to your potential and interests. Don’t lock yourself in a cliche. Build who you want to become on the blocks of your opportunities.
Know that your potential is limitless once you understand the extent of what you can do with your interests. Research and open your mind to what you can do and the places you can go to utilize your strengths. You are your limit. Use your imagination. Create the position you want to be in. Be a boss. Be a leader.
In order to do what you want, to be in the position you want, you would have to find it or create it. Don’t be afraid to think outside your comfort zone and do what you think you can’t. Try different angles, attempt multiple approaches to your interests. You will get where you want to go. Believe in your work and experience.
One of the most difficult realizations to deal with is self-progress and patience. While you see others exceeding, you may begin to compare yourself and your progress to that of the ones around you. Understand that your life and their life has no comparison. You are build for something and they are build for something as well. Your progress and process is not to be tampered with as a comparison with someone else’s glory or shine. Your shine and glory is for you and only for you. Stay blessed. Stay motivated. Stay encouraged.