And so my self-awareness journey is great as I notice recurring patterns, in my actions and behavior, for when I can feel myself falling back into unhealthy ways of coping. I know when things aren’t going so well and need to take a step back. That time has come. It’s time I motivate myself to stand up, breathe, and take a break. As I would usually go into hiding at this stage, I won’t. I will declare that I can do this. I can get past this. I can and I will. I won’t give up and I will take care of myself. Even though I can see all the peoples faces staring at my struggle, not understanding the fears and pain that I face, I will care for myself above all. I will see myself as valid and dismiss any negative energy pushing me away from being better. I can. I can do this.
It’s been a tiring, difficult couple months. First time after college having to actively try to live and explain to people why your health is important and why you have to actually take care of yourself. Its difficult putting into words how in the past overworking and overwhelming yourself lead to almost getting pushed over the edge with just a tiny hint of thoughts and images of what it would be like not to be alive. How it would be a miracle to ask for help or ask for someone to show some type of sympathy because you don’t feel as crazy as you did before. How seeing that your well being is not important in the slightest to anyone else so you have to put your well being first and yell from the top of your lungs that your life matters.
It’s been so tiring having to explain that you just want to be able to manage life just a little, to feel happy just a little, and to feel peace just a little because every day of your life has been a war. You just want a break. Just one break.
Thank you for painting my litte monster. It makes me less fearful of my actual anxiety.
look at it, your little monster inside of you. It’s not that bad. It just wants to be tamed!
This is about a cash register and how the dinging of the change in the drawers became dinging in my head as I saw too many people coming and asking too many questions about the same things.
This is about a cash register and how the cash button on the screen makes the drawer bash into my stomach where insanity was brewing.
This is about a cash register and how all the bills would pile up and I would just count them but the numbers always go over. They spill over.
This is about a cash register and how slowly I would make up in my head all the things that could go wrong and the questions I don’t have answers too, a dark room is created.
The cash register.
I stand there, all day. I have no where to go so I stand…at the cash register.
The questions. All the questions.
The people. All the people.
The fear. All the anxiety, it just fills my stomach with a monster. A little monster.
Empathy is more than feeling the struggles of others. Empathy is a connection and a bond between those who feel empathy and those that empathy is acted upon. Empathy can be painful as well as fulfilling as it builds the awareness of the empath to open their perspective to the suffering and also happiness of those who do not share the same life and experiences as their own. Empathy means to understand and be aware of the spaces, people, and circumstances that surround them. Empathy is a heightened sense of self and self-awareness. Empathy is feeling, knowing energies, and having the ability to identify and console the hurt and pain as well as acknowledge and appreciate the happiness of people and environments.
Moving forward comes with transformation and letting go. Don’t feel guilty for being better and doing better. Take steps in progression.
In the process of transformation and moving forward:
- There are times where you will be uncomfortable.
- You will come face to face with your biggest battle/struggle/obstacle
- There will be pain
- You will be hurt
- Sometimes you will doubt yourself/something you thought you believed
- Your perception will change
- You will become liberated mentally/spiritually/emotionally
- Freedom will look differently
- You will understand more the challenges of others as well as your own
- You will ask questions
- You will be different
While you move forward and transform, there will be times where anxiety will strike you. You will notice that you see the world differently. Don’t be afraid of this realization. In that moment you have broke free from the chains of complacency.