-Bad days don’t make you weak. -Struggling with your mental health does not make you weak. -Flare-ups or breakouts from conditions or illnesses does not make you weak. -Feeling overwhelmed does not make you weak. -Feeling angry, frustrated, guilty, lonely, hopeless or ashamed does not make you weak. -Mistakes don’t make you weak. -Exhaustion or overstimulation does not make you weak. -Having limits does not make you weak. -Taking breaks does not make you weak. -Changing your mind does not make you weak. -Having needs does not make you weak. -Sensitivities don’t make you weak.
The more I reflect, the more I realize how much energy it’s taking to process the grief that’s these past three years has weighed on my body, my heart, and my spirit. And even though I push past every time, I’m still tired.
Is anyone else like me? Where navigating the World is overwhelming some days. Where I try my best, but still it’s hard not to compare my life to others. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live life as if I was another?
Where you asks the questions that don’t matter, but still blossom into ruminating thoughts. Like, will they accept me? Or, Can someone love me, too? Maybe, will I ever really feel free to be myself, 100% myself, without worrying that I’m too weird or different for the eyes that witness me? Perhaps it’s the sicknesses that plague my body that dictate my fate after all?
Who can love me, too? I ask myself as I wake up in an anxious puddle of sweat dripping down my burdened shoulders.
Maybe, just maybe it’s possible. The love. The acceptance. The bliss of freedom to be myself without fear.
I ask the universe to allow me that freedom. Right now, I manifest that freedom. I am free from the drought of shame, grief, and guit. I am worthy of the love I seek because it seeks me too. I am ready to receive.
I honor my body by taking breaks and prioritizing self care. I am gentle with myself and allow myself to feel and process what is happening around me. My needs are valid and I reflect on each moment as I see fit. I am beautiful and I accept every part of myself. I understand that I can’t control all that happens around me, but I can control my approach. I am the crafter and the creator. I love my body and I choose to put myself first.
Sometimes it feels like we’re always waiting; waiting for a new healthy love, a better job, a fresh start. We might become restless, losing hope in continuously wanting something we don’t have yet. We become engulfed in the what ifs of an ever-changing future.
But what if we’re not supposed to be waiting or anticipating? What if instead, we just live right now? What if we decide and declare what it is we deserve, hold that close, and focus our energy on being present today? What is for us, what we are working for, what we put our efforts into, will happen in alignment with the decisions we make in the present. What we are doing now shapes the moments that follow.
Create and craft each moment to reflect what you want. Create the person you want to be in every moment.
The future is a collection of already made decisions. Once we reach “the future” it will just be the present in that shifted moment. All that matters is right now.
Healing Letters of Reflection: [Topics- Codependency and Anxious Attachment]
I understand now. I understand what I was meant to learn. How I was in pain too. But, I was trying to make you love me, even though you didn’t want to. I’m sorry. You were in pain like me. The cycles of run and chase. I saw something I knew I could love, so I latched onto that feeling. I was wrong though. Because, I was in pain and needed to manage and take care of my heart first. I needed to love myself more and I didn’t. I wanted to love you because I saw myself in you. Maybe loving you would help me love myself? No. That’s not how that works. Being alone was scary. It was a step into an oblivion of nothingness. What am I to do with all this pain I feel into an unknown future? Can I do it? Wow, do I even believe in myself? Who am I? What do I even want? It’s the ideas, the potential, the feeling. It’s the fear of changing into a person I don’t know.
…Well I’m that person now. The person I was scared to become because, who is she? She can see. She gets it. She understands.
I understand now. That I was in pain. I was panicking. Trauma responses left and right. Trying to fix. Fixate. Control. Overexplain. Change someone else. I was the one who needed changing. But, that’s okay…because I understand now. So, thank you. You helped me to see, because everything was foggy back then. I hope everything is good with you. I hope you can understand, too.
Healing is not a destination or fixed goal to achieve. This does not mean continuing to struggle, however. Instead, healing is the adaptation to the evolutionary process of self-awareness and self-acceptance. Healing is the constant effort, practice, and process of integration, balance, and shifting of consciousness to self, influencing the elevation of knowing and being.
To heal means getting to know yourself, understanding the depths and necessity of care and love for yourself despite the challenges that may arise. Of course “bad” days will come, but this does not regress the healing process. Healing equips you with tools and resources to have readily available when needed.
Examples of methods, resources, tools, and steps of continuous healing include:
Envestigating your needs and communicating them with others.
Understanding the value of boundaries.
Learning how to set boundaries.
Exploring limiting beliefs.
Delving into childhood trauma and how that trauma shapes triggers and trauma responses.
Reshaping and shifting perspectives to reflect on who you are and what you wants to work toward.
Defining who you are and understanding self-love.
Identifying the best methods to prioritize yourself.
Pin pointing your values.
Exploring the ideas around identity and beliefs.
Building healthy relationships with others.
Learning your communication styles, habits, and preferences.
Asking for help when necessary.
Continuing to learn more about yourself and the world around you.
Healing is about the journey. Once embarking on that journey you realize it is not linear and often changes based on what you learn on the way. Focusing on the journey allows for a profound understanding of self as the sole purpose in existence. You yourself are your own purpose. You are important and nothing can change that fact. Healing is the constant conscious effort of actualizing yourself in not only what you do, but also who you are. You are divine energy living a human experience. Prioritize healing. Learn the lessons that need to be learned, connect to yourself, love yourself and everything about you. What are the best ways to take care of yourself? What do you want to improve? What are your shadow traits? What are experience do you need to process? Are you feeling your feelings? Are you expressing yourself? All that makes you who you are is important in this journey of conscious and continous healing.