I will continue to love and live. I will not look behind me. I will continue to look forward.
This video was a requirement for a job opportunity I didn’t get, so I will be sharing it here. This is my attempt at talking about what I go through. It’s a bit vague and short, but liberating. It’s easier for me to write about what I go through than talk about it. Sometimes I can’t find the words to speak, but I can write them down. Sometimes I can create a quote or a poem, but I can’t blatantly talk about the struggles I go through. This is the first of many videos I hope to make in the future. The video quality isn’t great and it’s a bit choppy, but this is new for me. Hope you enjoy.
This is me being open and honest about my depression and anxiety. This is me not pushing my struggles under the rug or declaring what I have isn’t real. This is me facing my monsters. This is me putting myself out in the open. This is me healing.
And so my self-awareness journey is great as I notice recurring patterns, in my actions and behavior, for when I can feel myself falling back into unhealthy ways of coping. I know when things aren’t going so well and need to take a step back. That time has come. It’s time I motivate myself to stand up, breathe, and take a break. As I would usually go into hiding at this stage, I won’t. I will declare that I can do this. I can get past this. I can and I will. I won’t give up and I will take care of myself. Even though I can see all the peoples faces staring at my struggle, not understanding the fears and pain that I face, I will care for myself above all. I will see myself as valid and dismiss any negative energy pushing me away from being better. I can. I can do this.
Moving forward comes with transformation and letting go. Don’t feel guilty for being better and doing better. Take steps in progression.
In the process of transformation and moving forward:
- There are times where you will be uncomfortable.
- You will come face to face with your biggest battle/struggle/obstacle
- There will be pain
- You will be hurt
- Sometimes you will doubt yourself/something you thought you believed
- Your perception will change
- You will become liberated mentally/spiritually/emotionally
- Freedom will look differently
- You will understand more the challenges of others as well as your own
- You will ask questions
- You will be different
While you move forward and transform, there will be times where anxiety will strike you. You will notice that you see the world differently. Don’t be afraid of this realization. In that moment you have broke free from the chains of complacency.
Sooo I just got rejected a job opportunity again. I’m feeling a bit frustrated, a bit trapped, a bit discouraged. Feeling like I’m not good enough…again. Feeling like I probably should have killed myself more in undergrad with internships or other jobs. Feeling a bit drained and tired in my current state.
But I will keep pushing. Keep striving. Maybe someone will see my passion and motivation someday, sometime in the field that I feel most passionate about. Going through a tough moment, but I will bounce back. I will keep trying my best. Trying to not get consumed by the rejection is the hardest, but I’m going to use it as a point of reference.
Rejection is good. That opportunity wasn’t for you. Whats for you will accept you with open arms especially when its in line with your passions. Keep trying. Keep pushing.