Posted in Confessions, Creative Writing, Mental Health, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

The Love I Seek is Also Seeking Me

Is anyone else as exhausted as I am?

The more I reflect, the more I realize how much energy it’s taking to process the grief that’s these past three years has weighed on my body, my heart, and my spirit. And even though I push past every time, I’m still tired.

Is anyone else like me? Where navigating the World is overwhelming some days. Where I try my best, but still it’s hard not to compare my life to others. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live life as if I was another?

Where you asks the questions that don’t matter, but still blossom into ruminating thoughts. Like, will they accept me? Or, Can someone love me, too? Maybe, will I ever really feel free to be myself, 100% myself, without worrying that I’m too weird or different for the eyes that witness me? Perhaps it’s the sicknesses that plague my body that dictate my fate after all?

Who can love me, too? I ask myself as I wake up in an anxious puddle of sweat dripping down my burdened shoulders.

Maybe, just maybe it’s possible. The love. The acceptance. The bliss of freedom to be myself without fear.

I ask the universe to allow me that freedom.
Right now, I manifest that freedom. I am free from the drought of shame, grief, and guit. I am worthy of the love I seek because it seeks me too. I am ready to receive.

Posted in Confessions, Creative Writing, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Reflection, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

Healing Letters of Reflection: Unspoken Words

Healing Letters of Reflection
[Topics- Codependency and Anxious Attachment]

I understand now. I understand what I was meant to learn. How I was in pain too. But, I was trying to make you love me, even though you didn’t want to. I’m sorry. You were in pain like me. The cycles of run and chase. I saw something I knew I could love, so I latched onto that feeling. I was wrong though. Because, I was in pain and needed to manage and take care of my heart first. I needed to love myself more and I didn’t. I wanted to love you because I saw myself in you. Maybe loving you would help me love myself? No. That’s not how that works. Being alone was scary. It was a step into an oblivion of nothingness. What am I to do with all this pain I feel into an unknown future? Can I do it? Wow, do I even believe in myself? Who am I? What do I even want? It’s the ideas, the potential, the feeling. It’s the fear of changing into a person I don’t know.

…Well I’m that person now. The person I was scared to become because, who is she? She can see. She gets it. She understands. 

I understand now. That I was in pain. I was panicking. Trauma responses left and right. Trying to fix. Fixate. Control. Overexplain. Change someone else. I was the one who needed changing. But, that’s okay…because I understand now. So, thank you. You helped me to see, because everything was foggy back then. I hope everything is good with you. I hope you can understand, too. 

Activity

Write a letter to someone who helped you to grow.

Posted in Making Sense Analysis, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Talk

Ego Death

Note: Shadow Work

In the journey of higher consciousness is the transformation and heightened awareness of the self. The ego death is the process of moving past the self’s initial definion — in the context of trauma, duality, and bias, not reverting back to trauma of trigger responses, black and white thinking, or surviving. Instead, this “death” is a surrendering of sorts to a new way of thinking and practiced awareness to rewire and create a reality that is reflective of abundance and wholeness.

The ego, in its creation, thrived on the limited perspective and perceptions of the child, an infantile thinking. As growing older permits, a new birth of understanding pushes it’s way through in order to pave the way for change in the process of enlightenment.

To become enlightened, to awaken, or to elevate means to make space in your consciousness, space not allowed previously due to ego expectations and standards. This new space will allow for intuitive thinking, unconditional love of self, and integration of shadow.

As the process of ego death is painful, as it means letting go of conditioning, it is the process of alchamizing the infantile mind to one of radical self-acceptance and self-awareness. This process allows for seeing and knowing who the self really is in its power and abilities.

The self no longer needs the validation or acceptance of anything outside of itself. Everything needed lies inward.

Affirmation: Everything that I need, I already have. My reality is created by me.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Quotes, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

The Phoenix Transformation: Shift in Awareness

This season has presented many changes in my life, and with those changes a rebirth in understanding what self-care, self-worth, abundance, attraction and expectation mean to me. I learned that sometimes we need to walk away from people, places, and things that we care about and love. This doesn’t mean we no longer care and love these people, places, and things, but it does mean that until we are able to love, cherish, and value ourselves, there is a lack in what we can offer.

When we give from a place of lack, we deplete ourselves of the limited energy we posses because we are constantly giving to others. We are filling voids instead of nourishing and aiding through our passions and gifts.

Once we step away to feed and nourish ourselves and to see the immersearable value that is us, we can share the unconditional love we have for ourselves but with others. We no longer cling to unrealistic expectations that we will find what we are looking for outside of ourselves, but realize what we are looking for is us, it’s alignment and balance within who we are. We identify triggers, put our needs first, ask for support when needed, undo generational trauma and have those hard conversations. What do I need? Where do I fit in this conversation? What am I learning?

We no longer run when we feel uncomfortable but sit in that discomfort to ask ourselves the right question: what is this teaching me? Lack of a lesson is also a lesson, a lesson of letting go and moving forward regardless of understanding. Understanding that we move forward for the simple fact that we deserve better then the situation or circumstance.

Believe that you can experience abundance and peace because it is accessible, you have it already. Say it out loud: I am abundance, peace is within me. It’s okay to feel pain, sadness, grief, and worry, but know that you don’t have to dwell in these emotions. Free yourself from the expectations that what you need is somewhere anywhere else then inside of you already.

Feel the freedom of letting go and learn what it means to unconditionally love yourself. Manifest and affirm that with aligning yourself with love that love with then attract itself to you.

Manifest: I am love.I am ready for love. I receive love.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, The Mighty, The Pencil Case on The Mighty

#CheckInWithMe If You’re Chasing Perfection

Mighty Newsletter Reflection

“Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled with perfectionism and negative self-talk. From the daily “I have to finish everything on my to-do list or else I’m unsuccessful today” to the weekly feeling of fear that I’m not putting in enough effort toward my goals — this constant spiral of always having to do more is exhausting. And because perfectionism has me constantly in a “doing trance,” I haven’t felt accomplished or proud of any of my wonderful achievements in a long time.

However, in my efforts to get rid of the dictator that is perfectionism, I recently crafted some stars to put on the walls of my bedroom. These stars mean more to me than just colorful construction paper in the shape of an astronomical object.

Every day when I look at my stars, I am reminded that I’m successful and have achieved so much to get to this very moment. My success is not measured by how much I’ve done but simply by who I am and the strength I give each day. Simply waking up is enough reason to look up at my stars stamping that day as an achievement.

Here are 3 possible ways you could celebrate your own accomplishments:

– Share your achievements with a family member or friend and do a fun activity with them
– Write a list of the wins that make you proud, put it on your refrigerator and pass it often
– Take a mental health day where you reward yourself with all of your favorites, like a TV show or movie, a great read or a meal comprised of your fave snacks.

Takeaway: Your worth is so much more than what you do each day it’s naturally ingrained in who you are. It can never be taken away.

Note: You can find the stickers on my stars here in my Etsy shop!

Pencil Case Prompt Activity

What’s one way you can celebrate yourself?

Join the conversation in The Pencil Case on The Mighty.


This activity was featured in The Mighty #CheckInWithMe newsletter which you can subscribe to on the TheMighty.com or Mighty app.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Reflection, The Mighty, The Pencil Case on The Mighty

Pencil Case Prompts: If You Made an Album and Called it 2020…

If you made a 10 track album and called it “2020” what would you name the 10 songs in your album?
Note: The song titles can reflect what you’ve learned, your struggles, a memory, how you were feeling, etc. Feel free to be creative!
___________________
My 2020 Album Song titles would be:
1. Broken Anxiety
2. PDD and PTSD
3. Revelation
4. Letters to Peace
5. Power in Distance
6. Changes
7. Who is she?
8. Boundaries
9. Gone With The People-Pleasing
10. Should I Care?

Join the conversation here in The Pencil Case on The Mighty!

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Power, Reflection, The Mighty, The Pencil Case on The Mighty

Pencil Case Prompts: Gratefulness Challenge!

Make a list of 10 people, places, things, or ideas you are grateful for.

Note: Feel free to be creative, reflective, and thoughtful.

What helps you to feel calm?
What do you look forward to?
Who is important to you?
What ideas help you to keep going?
What places help you feel relaxed or safe?


I’m grateful for:
1. Moments of peace and clarity.
2. My family and friends.
3. My pillows.
4. Creativity!
5. My therapist and doctors.
6. Kind-hearted and authentic people.
7. Healing and letting go.
8. Growth.
9. Writing.
10. My bedroom.


Join the conversation here in The Pencil Case on The Mighty!

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Other Accomplishments, Reflection

I Participated In The NAMI-NYC Seeds of Hope Gala!

I’m so excited to share that I participated in the NAMI-NYC Seeds of Hope Gala! It was an amazing experience for me to share some of my story and use my voice to help such an impactful non-profit organization. I’ve been volunteering with NAMI-NYC for almost a year and a half, first as an ending the silence young adult presenter, to an expressive arts workshop host, to a young adult support group facilitator.

Watch the full video here!

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Reflection, The Mighty, The Pencil Case on The Mighty

Pencil Case Prompts: Ever Thought of Writing a Book?


If you ever wrote a book what would that book be about? (If you already wrote a book, do you want to write another one?)
-What genre would the book be in?
– Are there characters in your book? Who would the main character be?
-Would your book have a lesson?
Let me know in the comments below or feel free to journal about this prompt!

If I ever wrote a book it would be nonfiction and a mixture of my creative and reflective writing.

Join the conversation here in The Pencil Case on The Mighty.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Quotes, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Beginning the Process of Letting Go: Space, Grace, and Time

Release the tension in your shoulders, sit straight, and breathe. Give yourself time, space, and the grace necessary to let go of anything you are holding on to. Allow the ebbs and flows of the process to teach you what you need to progress and move forward.

  • What makes you feel frustrated or unhappy?
  • What memories resurface?
  • Who can you ask for help?
  • How can you prioritize yourself better?
  • What are your next steps in processing your emotional healing?
  • What do you need?

Listen to your body.
Listen to your triggers.
Understand yourself.
Affirm you are ready to move forward.