Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Late Night Talks With Nina, Mental Health, Other Accomplishments, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Videos

A Reflection: The Mighty Mic

The Mighty Mic was an amazing experience. I’m extremely grateful that I was able to collaborate with The Mighty to help my community as they find strength in their mental health struggles. Here are some highlights from my event and a message that I learned.  I will be planning and hosting more events so stay tuned!

My Open Mic Poem: A Messy Masterpiece

I look up to the rainbow that extends from one end of the equator to the other.

The rain that just passed has drenched me with growing pains as the flowers sprout from my insides out.

A messy masterpiece they called me.

As I feel the thunderstorms inside my gut, my tears run frantically like uncontrolled children in the playground.
A messy masterpiece they call me.
I can’t breathe like someone is putting duct tape on my mouth as I try to scream, my surrounding get blurry again, I can’t see
Overwhelm
A messy masterpiece they call me
I’m a mess I say
They say
They look at me confused because I’m in one of my silent spells, they think I’m upset but really I’m in this deep dark place in my head, my body is free but my mind captive
A messy masterpiece they call me

Sometimes my bed arrest me

I’m in trouble from the thoughts that told on me, I broke the law

Now I’m confined to my pillow and blankets, I got life but I’m planning on breaking out
Sooner than later because I deserve to be free
A messy masterpiece they call me
You see, my footprints tell a story
It’s not just an abandoned trial
It’s meant to be a pathway for other people like me
How I walked that walk and now they can see a way they can go
They too are messy masterpieces fashioned together to make beautiful poetry learning that their voices too do still matter
Because ears that need to listen will be drawn to the sounds of their voices in the distance
The Mighty Voices
A messy masterpiece they call me

My Story and Advice

After some mighty poets and speakers shared I was compelled to share my story to them as well. I noticed a pattern in the themes that recurred in the poems and pieces everyone shared and thought I would give some advice based on what I learned.

Late Night Talks With Nina: Final Thoughts

Navigating Purpose

Purpose, worth, self-talk, and identity were themes that recurred while I sat and soaked in the message of each story. While we are faced with difficulties with our mental health, it’s often due to mental conversations about those themes. As we continue on in our journey and our battle we must let go of the notion of a single purpose or single mission conforming to the standards of the society we live. Instead, we must continuously walk in our own self-fulfillment-whatever that looks like-while also navigating our peace through the opportunities we are able to take up. We live our life through how much we are filled with happiness and satisfaction with what we are doing. Let’s not waste ourselves with expecting purpose to manifest without manifesting ourselves in the process. We manifest purpose by being alive and continue fulfilling our own talents. Learn yourself, love yourself, and find peace through appreciating your life and the opportunity to live it.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Making Sense Analysis, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Why I Claim my Anxiety and Depression

Mental Illness and Religion

Depression

I struggled with depression for a lot of my teenage years unknowingly; falling into silent spells or isolation cycles were “normal” ways I would deal with how I felt. Because of this, depression remained regular. The pain was me.

When I thought about depression or sadness my mind would drift off to what my former pastors would suggest— praying, fasting, and going to church healed all wombs. I often heard, “mental illness was a weakness, ‘the devil’ is consuming your thoughts to keep you from what God has for you. The only way I could be better was to do what God wants me to do. If you’re continuously doing bad, then it’s your fault. You are not trying hard enough. Do not ever claim depression on your life. Don’t say that out loud! If you say it you are manifesting that demon on yourself.” Frightening, right?

Because of those words, I grew up scared of myself, my thoughts, and God punishing me. I felt relief in my good days but tormented on my bad. Maybe if I tried to be “as holy” as I could then maybe I would feel better. The day never came where just praying and fasting relieved my depressive thoughts though.

Here Comes Anxiety…

When first faced with crippling anxiety, I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and discouraged. I isolated myself and talked to no one about my struggles. It wasn’t real. I tried to push harder even when I felt exhausted. Self-care, mental health, or anxiety weren’t words or phrases I knew much about anyway. I just had to pray, right? My relationship with God is not strong enough. I kept pushing myself well past my physical and mental limits until I couldn’t anymore. The more I dismissed my symptoms and repressed my feelings, the more I felt powerless, hopeless, and weak.

Moving Forward

Writing Therapy

In order to feel better, I challenged myself to think deeper. What do I do to move forward? As I constantly struggled to find peace in my mental turmoil, I looked to my writing and voice for refuge.  The day I felt most empowered, most liberated, and most peace fell on one day, the day I uttered the words “I have depression and struggle with anxiety.”

While I long left the church because I wanted to find myself aside from religious indoctrination, I started writing, and the words I typed and wrote freed me from my thoughts. Thoughts became tangible. Words became ideas I could look at. I manipulated those words to something positive and uplifting. I began reflecting on and discussing what mental health meant for me, asking critical questions combining my pain with creativity. Excitement filled me again. 

Final Thoughts

My projects now bring me to life, they are my medicine. The words I utter, the words I write are my power. I am new, I feel refreshed. I wage war on my mental health struggles, expectations, and stereotypes that bind me and my progress (hence why my writing space/blog is SparklyWarTanks).

Even though I still struggle, I continue to write and think of new and creative ways to express myself. I’m currently planning and hosting events too! There is power in words, whether it’s saying them, writing them, or thinking them.

Claiming my anxiety and depression was not a downfall manifesting struggle and doom to my life, claiming anxiety and depression gave me the power that helped me to liberate my perspective, relieve my mind, and continue on in the progression of becoming myself.

Posted in Confessions, Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Voices Of Mental Health, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

SparklyWarTanks Writing for Voices of Mental Health!

Im super excited to announce that I’m writing for another mental health website!

Voices of Mental Health

Here is my anxiety story. A story that is told from now a place of confidence from once a place of fear and embarrassment. Anxiety will not limit me.

Voices of Mental Health first article:
“Having anxiety, depression, or any mental illness or limitation does not mean we can’t have high standards, ambitions, and goals. We just know where our boundaries and limits lie. We must prioritize our self-care over anything else and that is ok. The constant task of weighing our options and declining some opportunities will be our regular because we know that we can’t do everything. That’s what self-care is.”

I’m a College Grad with Anxiety but I’m Still Ambitious

Posted in Events, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk, The Mighty

New York City SparklyWarTanks and The Mighty Event!

Im so excited to announce that I will be hosting The Mighty Mic, an open mic creative event where we all are mighty together. In this event, we will express ourselves in our strength as we discuss our anxiety and depression. The mic is open to those who want to share their stories, poems, songs, articles, speeches; whatever 5-minute piece they would want others to hear. This is a safe space where we will be ourselves, share, and build community!

If you would like to come, please refer to this Facebook Event link and click the “going” option if you would be joining me or even “interested” if you just need to readjust your schedule!

We will have so much fun as we share our stories and build confidence in our journey as we learn we are not alone!

Details are on the flyer above!

Posted in Defying Shadows Articles, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Power, Reflection, Self-Care

Defying Shadows Article: Making Decisions as Someine with Anxiety and Depression

Making decisions with anxiety and depression can leave you in a weak and vulnerable state. Not being able to take every opportunity or apply for every job can be stressful as you may find yourself frustrated and less-than because of it.

I was faced with declining a job because I prioritized my mental health and here is what I have to say about it:

Making Decisions as Someone with Anxiety and Depression

Posted in Defying Shadows Articles, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Other Publications, Self-Talk

Defying Shadows Article! The Silent Spells and Isolation Cycles of Depression

NEW WEBSITE ALERT!

I’m extremely excited about being a contributor writer for another website DefyingShadows.com!

Defying Shadows Logo

My first article published on Defying Shadows is focused on two consecutive symptoms of depression that are often frustrating to comprehend for those who experience depression as well as their loved ones.

If you experience these symptoms, communicating can help others understand how to best support you.

Check it out here!

The Silent Spells and Isolation Cycles of Depression

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Talk, The Mighty

#MightyThoughts: Accomplishments are Powerful

Take it slow as you become more and more patient with your progress. Take one step at a time, giving yourself small tasks to be proud of.

With grace, you will find peace and power in those simple accomplishments. That, in itself, is a step forward in your goals.

Some days are more difficult than others, but that does not mean whatever you do get done is no less wonderful and brave.

Your accomplishments are what make you stronger and capable of doing more. The joy you feel because you accomplished something will make it easier the next time you find yourself in a stuck space.

You did it before, you can do it again.

Affirmation: I can accomplish whatever I put my mind to.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Potential and Worth, Power, The Mighty

#MightyThoughts: This Morning #WeHaveMightyPower

Today we are brave.

Today we are courageous.

Today we are going to see our value and capabilities.

Today and everyday we have purpose and we have willpower.

We will not look down on ourselves for having bad days.

We have strength today.

We have strength everyday.

Link to thought on The Mighty: This Morning #WeHaveMightyPower

Posted in Confessions, Other Accomplishments

I’m Featured in a Newspaper Article!

From Facebook memes to gaming platforms: Where college students turn when they can’t discuss mental illness on campus

Nina Rondon is a 24-year-old Latina woman who grew up in a conservative Christian family in Brooklyn. She has suffered from anxiety and depression for several years but initially didn’t know how to describe her experience.

“Especially in the Latinx community, you don’t want to say you have depression,” Rondon said. “You don’t get treatment. You pray about it.”

Read more in the link above in article by Aneri Pattani

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, The Mighty

#MightyThoughts: The Intensity of Depression

Not everyday will be easy, and not every moment will be peaceful, but what matters is the fight you put for yourself to continue on in spite of the struggle. Although life may put you in quicksand, remember to be still and let those sorrows pass you. You will then realize you were never sinking. Find peace of mind when you’re alone in a shaky place. Relax your chaos, then rest. You won the battle.