Posted in Love, Making Sense Analysis, Notes, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Note 36 For the Highly Sensitive: Molding Love in the Wrong People

Sparkly is a space where I not only write to inspire and motivate, but it’s also a space where I make tangible the obstacles I face in hopes of finding balance and understanding. With that being said, I’ve been experiencing an inner battle with myself (and often see it in others who I care about).

Love in the Wrong People…

Finding love and acceptance is difficult in the 20 something ages. We often feel like we have to find love and begin the process of building bonds with anyone who comes our way and sparks even the simplest of interests. The issues in this process, however, especially those who are caring, sensitive, and good hearted is we let our guard down in hopes of making that interest work even if that person is not good for us.

As we fear being alone, rejected, neglected, abandoned, or even starting over, and in pursuits to “fix” the broken pieces of potential love, we often forget self-care, boundaries, and our worth. We convince ourselves that our “love” for that potential is what will somehow change and evolve the toxicity of the relationship that’s been built. We create this love with the small growth we see in something that we want so bad to work.

We care too much about the other and not enough about ourselves.

The Reality of it is

With even the most common of sense, or the conversations that we think will help the other understand us, not everyone has good intentions, not everyone is good for us, and not everyone can/wants to change. Some people see no issues in what they do.

Whether it’s built up trauma from childhood, their own defense mechanisms, or “just how they are,” we are not responsible for igniting growth or enduring pain and abuse from anyone. Just because we can see how much someone can grow does not mean we have to be the stepping stones to that growth, if that growth is even authentic.

Letting Go and Moving On…

While we ourselves are responsible for our own happiness, growth, and self-development, so are the ones that we take up that responsibility for. If they see that they are hurting someone and continue to hurt them, let them go. You are way too valuable. They need to grow on their own, without latching on to anyone to guide the way for them. Making them feel good or allowing their toxic behavior to persist without consequences will enable them to continue in their destructive nature.

In the slightest moment where you feel uncomfortable, or confused listen to your body signals to understanding what to do. Stop ignoring the signs of doing better for yourself.

I know we have so much love to give, and we want to be accepted in order to nurture another (as it may nutures us and our trauma/people pleasing tendencies) we have to find peace and acceptance within ourselves. We can attract those who are hurt and in your conflicting intentions and personalities create something unhealthy.

Posted in Defying Shadows Articles, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Defying Shadows Article: Burnout, Stress, And Anxiety

Have you ever experienced burnout? Do you tend to overwork yourself without checking in on your self-care?

What are signs and signals to look out for that will show you that you are stressed and need to slow down?

Check out my Defying Shadows article Burnout, Stress, And Anxiety: Knowing How to Cope to learn how to deal with the symptoms of stress and burnout.

Posted in Bulletins, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Bulletin: Protect Your Energy

What is it To Protect Yourself

Whether you are highly sensitive, vulnerable to energies, have a high sense of intuition, or are big on healing/helping others it is especially important to be grounded in your independence, boundaries, and sense of self. While it’s easy to believe you have the ability to change or alter how someone thinks or approaches life, it is not true that you can help/fix everyone you come in contact with.

There are times where your kindness will be taken for weakness making you susceptible to getting hurt by someone who does not have your best interest at heart. In order to become clear of your stance in any relationship without being manipulated, make sure to set clear and solid boundaries (and stick to them), know and become comfortable with yourself (whether its what you like, dislike, or are uncomfortable with), and be smart about your comfort level. While we pride ourselves in being open books, sometimes it takes getting to know someone before exposing real information about ourselves. Being patient will play a huge role in this process.

How to Put Yourself First

Growth, self-improvement, peace, and patience can motivate you to protect yourself and your mental stability. You and your energy are important.

Practice self-care, self-awareness, compassion, empathy, and critical thinking in order to build a higher sense of self and safety. Take the time out to understand what is happening in a situation before immersing your entire self in it. Your body and intuition will tell you when something is not right. Listen to it. We might get excited about what something could be instead of what it actually is and before we know it we are not where we thought we would be.

Love yourself enough to take your time, talk things through, and say no when necessary. You are responsible for yourself and what you allow. What are your standards?

Next Steps and Questions

As you come in contact with new people ask yourself critical questions in order to get a firm footing in what you actually want out of that interaction. We may like to think of ourselves as void of wanting something specific, but we must ask ourselves what is our motive. We may be in difficult spots in our lives and before we take care of ourselves we take pride in taking care of others. We tend to look for things to fix instead of looking inward for healing.

Where are we in our lives? Do we need a break? How am I feeling? What do I want? How am I coming off to others? Am I practicing self-care?

Become self-aware in yourself and in turn you can protect yourself and your sensitivities.

Posted in Defying Shadows Articles, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health

Defying Shadows Article: Venturing the Communication Barrier When it Comes to Helping Someone With Depression

Do you ever get stuck when trying to help someone with depression? Do you find that some things you say may hurt the person who is struggling with their mental health? What are phrases to avoid when communicating with someone with depression? What are some helpful gestures and phrases?

Visit my Defying Shadows article to see some tips and helpful insight when it comes to helping someone who struggles with depression!

Venturing the Communication Barrier When it Comes to Helping Someone With Depression

Posted in Declarations, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk

#WriteItDown Declaration to Live by and Internalize: Something I Learned About Life in the Past 365 Days is…

@JacquelineWhitney_ posted this open-ended prompt on her Instagram story.

While debating whether to participate, respond, and complete this prompt, I thought about lessons I learned in the past year. What new perspective and positive self-talk do I want to continue and pursue during this year and after? I decided I wanted to continue on through the new year with confidence in my ability to believe in myself and my strength. Using ongoing active positive statements to lead in further progress, I’m able to achieve my goal of pursuing, believing, and working toward all I’m able to.

The word of the year is confidence.

Posted in Defying Shadows Articles, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Tips

Surviving the Holidays: Questions and Tactics to Navigating Your Mental Wellness (Defying Shadows)

For some, the holiday season is especially difficult to deal with. So, what does it mean to prioritize your mental health during this time of year?

Check out my Defying Shadows article where I explain and express some helpful tips for dealing with the holidays like asking yourself important questions, navigating the best tactics to stay mentally stable, and embracing boundaries!

Surviving the Holidays: Questions and Tactics to Navigating Your Mental Wellness

Posted in Bulletins, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Talk

Bulletin: Questions to Ask Yourself During an Uncomfortable Change

Change is taboo for those who do not want shifts that may make them uncomfortable. Unfamiliar spaces make us feel like we’re out of control, therefore, causing us anxiety. What do we do when we are faced with changes? Not all changes are positive (or feel positive). What do we do when changes affect our mental health?

Think of these questions when you are faced with uncomfortable changes.

  • How do I feel about this change?
  • What does this change mean to me?
  • How is this change affecting how I view or see this person, place, thing, or idea?
  • Who am I in this change?
  • Are ways I’m dealing with this change toxic to me or people around me?
  • Who can I talk to in regards to this change?
  • How can I live productively with this change?
  • Is there a way to think about this change differently? Maybe in a way that benefits my growth?
  • How do I move forward from this change?
  • What are healthy ways to handle this change?

As we move and shift around in our daily lives, we will learn that change is inevitable, but sometimes we don’t know how to think about unfamiliar territory creeping into our comfort zone. What do we do? We challenge ourselves to use our changes to fuel our growth. We navigate those changes to help us and not hurt or hinder our progress.

Posted in Bulletins, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Talk

Bulletin: Making Decisions

Making choices and decisions require time, effort, knowledge, and patience. As we navigate and explore our options, we may find ourselves overwhelmed and strained from weighing the options that will determine the next steps we will have to take.

These next steps will challenge us in how we view ourselves and whether certain options outweigh the others.

As you weigh your options remember:

  • You are capable of success.
  • You are able to make the decisions yourself.
  • It is ok to ask for help.
  • It is ok to say no to opportunities that are not a good fit.
  • Give yourself time to think and evaluate.
  • Never make decisions to try to make someone else happy.
  • Make the decision based on what’s best for you.
  • Think about who you are as you navigate your options.
  • Think about your strengths, weaknesses, boundaries, limits, and truths.
  • Stay true to yourself as you make decisions that will change your life.
  • Be brave and courageous.
  • Try something new.
  • Be patient and kind to yourself.

Making decisions and evaluating options and choices is mentally draining. As we know better ourselves in each opportunity, we become better at making those choices and are content with those decisions after.

Keep trying. Stay motivated. Stay focused.

You are worthy of the life you see for yourself.

Posted in BayArt Articles, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Other Publications, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Talk

BayArt Article: 4 Affirmations to Remember When you Find Yourself with Self-Doubt

Link: 4 Affirmations to Remember When you Find Yourself With Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is crippling, paralyzing, and can prohibit the progress of what the immediate or far future may contain. While we wallow in our self-doubt and sink into procrastination, we think of every possible scenario that will lead to failure. We don’t see ourselves as people that are capable, able, or good enough for our own aspirations or ambitions. Self-doubt can be because of anxiety and constantly thinking about the future, or it can be because we are afraid and unable to see ourselves in our own potential.

These are four affirmations to remember if you find yourself in self-doubt…