Note 8: Money seems to be the motivation for people being in specific situations or having certain jobs. Money seems to be the reason why people do things to others (good or bad), but since having been employed for around 2 months now, I noticed that money doesn’t motivate me. Deciding to be happy and stable emotionally, mentally, and physically is more important and if the job im doing isn’t doing that then its time to move on and do something thats better for me no matter how good I might be getting paid. After graduating I noticed that I never put myself first, I always put my studies over my own well being but that stops now and forever. If I see that something isn’t helping me improve or aid in the growth of my positive self-image I need to move on.
She is becoming and no one can stop her progress. She is transforming, becoming something more than she ever imagined. Like the butterfly, she built her cocoon, but before anyone could realize how long shes been away, she broke out, starting from her mind, her old ways shedding like a snake’s scales, away and left like old news. She is becoming. She has made herself into something great. From the scars of her psyche, to the bruises pounding her heart, she made it. Althought she wanted to sit and enjoy the evergreens of complacency, she got up, and there she started her process…of becoming.
I saw myself change in a matter of a year. The transformation drastic. I can recognize who I am now, when before it was blurry. With the change came progress and opportunities. With opportunities came decisions. As I sit between my past and my future, I can’t help to see the beauty in the collision between the darkness and the light. I still have what I was in me, but as I grow farther from it, I see the lesson, and that lesson is the mist. The light is waiting to take over the rest.
How do I explain to a person that shows this much compassion that she is gold and worthy of more than this life itself?
That her deeds she feels goes unnoticed are the core value that instilled a generation of activism and empowerment.
That the tears that fall from her eyes are caught and kept locked away as a means of rebellion and ammunition for the fight that reveals the power we have as women.
That the burden she carries on her back I’ve extended my shoulders to carry as a napsack, as I give her fresh water to drink from.
I wash her feet with my thanks, I embrace her with my gratitude, yet it’s still not enough to cover all of the sweat that falls from her head being the mother that she is and always has been.
Her superwoman tendencies, her all or nothing mindset, she told me it’s all she knows how to be, and I said that’s all she has to be.
Her work is astounding, her effort phenomenal, and still all I’ve said and words still can’t explain the sweat that falls from her head being the mother that she is and always has been.
And people don’t know the importance of a mother, that her work, every generation she carries to raise and to nuture, to feed from her breast the milk of empathy, love, acceptance and power, that she has provided ten fold all that a mother can provide without an ounce of complaint.
She is the reason that I write and I’m learning to love every ounce of myself because if I’m anything, an onunce of what she is, I would be able to do and say, speak for all of my fellow women, that we are all powerful and able in everything because we decend from the mothers we came from.
So mom, with saying so much and not nearly enough, I owe you many thanks and all that I have in me, Happy super woman day because you are the epitome of greatness and if I’m lucky, I can be just like you when I grow up.
Continue with your courage and your bravery, to live as such an example that you are.
With all of me,
It’s been a difficult few weeks and I find myself getting more and more discouraged so this letter is to me from me with love, affection, power, and strength.
Hey girl! I see you struggling and I know you’re starting to doubt yourself again. I see you starting to not believe in how much you worked and how much you sacrificed to be in the place you’re in now. I see that you’re starting to feel like you aren’t good enough and that you wasted your time in the classroom. I see that you feel invisible and unattractive. I see that you feel trapped, unskilled, and untalented. I see that you feel ashamed that you struggle mentally and you often wonder how it would feel to be “normal” and unafraid of the strains of every day. I see that it takes so much work just to be happy that a new day has come because you feel like you should be successful with opportunity, strength, and power.
But I also see that you gained more strength I’ve ever seen you have before. That you try your hardest and prove to yourself every day that it’s possible to, despite the struggle, regain consciousness of the reality of hope and positivity. And even though things have been difficult, you still seem to always persevere, you seem to always push through. Every obstacle that has come in your way since you were young has never devoured you. When you were grappling with your mental health in high school and college, you always made it past the panic and the tears. You always showed up and showed out even when you didn’t want to. When you didn’t have motivation, when you didn’t want to go to the counseling center or psych services you did. When they took away your financial aid and you almost didn’t go to college things turned around. When you were called weak and told you were unable to reach the standards of your major in high school, you showed that you were, you were tossed from one choir to another, but you still showed that you were good enough. When you were on conditional in a program you wanted to be in so bad, you made that conditional a permanent. And all the times you were outcasted and alone, when you were by yourself you always sparkled with power, self-control, and self-respect. This is not even half of the things you struggle with, but its shows a lot about how much you’ve overcome.
You are beautiful, worthy, and strong. Only strength can endure all that you have gone through and still have the courage to want to tell other people that they can do anything despite the world telling them that they can’t because of their gender, beliefs, sexuality, or any other identity marker that makes them who they are. You are okay and you will continue to be okay. Just take deep breaths and raise your head. Your life is not for no reason. You have a reason to keep trying to do your best.
From the one that loves you the most,
So, even though it may seem blurry right now and you don’t want to be positive, try to be kind to yourself. Always be kind to yourself. Turn the negative self-talk phrases into encouraging ones. Make your perception light, even if your circumstance is dark and smudged. Even when you have all the reasons to be hopeless, let hope blossom instead.
Who you are combined with your identity, how you see yourself, and your point of view is whats going to reveal your purpose. Your purpose will not appear to you out of nowhere, it’s going to accumulate and build up based on your life experiences, your struggles, your flaws, your strengths, and the battles you have won. Your purpose is yours and only yours because only you have perceptions based on the life you live. You are the most important part of the equation and you are unique to your own purpose. Labor on yourself and keep moving even when you don’t want to. While you work on yourself, you are also working on your purpose. Your glory story is revealed in the process of self-realizing your purpose.
Keep laboring on your struggles and triumph. Keep trying even when you’re tired. Keep working even when your hands get callused. Keep standing even when you get pushed to the ground.
All of this is what your glory story will be. Your glory story makes you a hero. You save yourself everyday and while you save yourself, you save the lives of the on looker and the people you encounter all the time.
Write your glory story, labor on your purpose.