If there is one word to define me, that word would be resiliency. My unrelenting will to keep coming back stronger and better is what makes me who I am.
I reflect.
I think.
I learn.
I evolve.
I move on.
It’s a kind of elasticity. Adaptation.
Evolution.
I face what is mine and I craft it into myself.
It is a part of me.
To become more of myself is the purpose and the goal.
And as I adapt and adjust, I leave a little of what was me behind.
I am not what I was but still is who I am.
Whatever was me is still me, but now I embrace what I hid. I am the shadow and id. The ego.
All that is me I learn to admire, I tame the impulse. I am my own choice. I choose me.
I think.
I speak.
I challenge.
I am my biggest challenge.
I face that challenge.
If I am not what I know I can be, I am failing my resiliency.
Stand firm and know that what you feel and experience is valid. There is no checklist or standard to what makes your story enough to cause pain, growth, or transformation. Wherever you are in your journey, whatever frustrations, confusions, turmoil, or changes influence how you are perceiving the events that happen to you is your call to make. There is no shame in feeling what you feel.
No need to compare yourself to anyone, downplay what you are feeling, or over-explain any part of your story. You are valid in whatever stage you are in. Receive the support or help that is necessary to get you where you need/want to go in your growth and healing.
Growth and Transformation Through Awareness: Pain and Toxic Traits
We all have a way in which we think and act based on our beliefs and ideas. Sometimes, however, our judgment and growth are clouded by the pain and trauma we often recycle through our toxic habits and behaviors.
The tricky thing about pain is how deeply rooted it is. We don’t see our behavior as toxic or hurtful until it’s too late and we’ve already hurt someone we might care for.
In order to identify those toxic cycles, we must grow in self-awareness. The more self-aware we become, the more we are able to catch ourselves and understand why we act the way we do. Although some behaviors may appear harmless, like numbing our feelings and trying not to cope with our pain, if repressed for too long, will eventually appear in our behavior.
Projection occurs when we place how we treat ourselves onto the people we love or want to love. Often unconsciously our own self-abandonment is how we begin to treat those around us.
The first step in feeling our pain is to accept that we’ve hurt someone and forgive ourselves. If we hold onto the pain and regret, it will stay with us and lead how we treat those who enter our lives.
Once aware, begin the process of identifying in what ways we can improve and begin to love ourselves in that process. Although we can’t undo another person’s pain, we can improve and heal through our own. We must learn who we are and the pain that guided our past self.
The growth that self-awareness brings can resurface memories and thoughts that created the original pain, but that process will birth a transformed perspective.
We learn through experiences and wanting to do better. Without the urge to do better, the pain will validate itself and remain how we see ourselves.
Important note: This process can be difficult to do on our own but I found therapy, self-help books, meditation, writing, reflective exercises, support groups, and mental health resources to be a great help in beginning this process.
“Reminder: Remember to be gentle with yourself and the expectations of your goals. Some goals can only be achieved during different seasons of your lifetime and that’s okay. It’s okay to not be able to achieve all you want to achieve when you want to achieve it. It’s also okay to make small goals as well. Take your time with your goals and give yourself time to achieve them. Not everyone’s life will turn out the same and no one has it all together, so no need to compare another person’s accomplishments to yours. Everyone is different and there is no timeline to success.”
Although the year just began and we’re only in the second month, I’ve been faced with the most difficult challenges to date. From the toughest mental health battles to realizing my insecurities and toxic traits, this year is showing me to put my peace first.
I forgive myself for accepting what I don’t deserve. I move forward in claiming and proclaiming my worth and value.
If I were to tell you that the lists of things you’ve done, the relationships you have, or the job titles you’ve held don’t make you who you are, would you believe me? If I were to tell you that you are whole just because, would you think I’m wrong?No matter what we do or who we think we have to become we are fundamentally valuable and worth living every single day. It doesn’t matter how much we get done, or how much we’ve been through, every day we wake up we hold the power of our value and worth and that never changes.”I am” despite of anything that follows that statement.
Another event in 2 weeks! This one is extra special to me!
Description: SparklyWarTanks and NAMI NYC will be working together to host “All I Can Be is Me” as part of NAMI NYC’s expressive arts creative events! And, guess what?! I’m working with The Mighty for this event too! “All I Can Be is Me” is a creative confidence-building and goal setting event where we will reflect, build community and have fun! As we utilize positive character traits to affirm and manifest within ourselves, we will also set goals and plant a seed of power and motivation to continue to be the amazing people we are.
Details:
Date: February 29th, 2020
Time: 5:30 pm – 7:00 pm
Event Space: NAMI NYC Metro
Address: 505 8th Ave, New York, New York, 10018 Suite 1103
If you’re in New York and would like to attend let me know on the Facebook event page.
It’s been a really rough 2020 already. It’s tried to knock you down, step on you, and declare your defeat. What 2020 doesn’t know is you already declared that no matter what, you will figure out how to bounce back EVERY SINGLE TIME. No matter how complicated or complex the struggle, nothing will overcome your resilience.
I know you’re hurting but I also know you learned so much through the pain you endured.
You learned that:
It’s okay to be sensitive.
It’s okay to cry and express emotions.
Learn early how to love and accept yourself.
You are different and that fact will catalyst your passion.
People will look out for themselves.
Put yourself first because no one else will.
You are not like everyone, your self-care looks different.
You don’t need to be with someone to be whole.
Your empathy is powerful, build it up.
You have a soft and gentle spirit, protect yourself, learn how to say no.
Your mind will tell you a lot of lies, declare your power and control over yourself.
People have their own trauma and will show it through their behavior, do not take it personal.
Self-awareness is scary but necessary.
Your mind is very very powerful, use it to create and influence change.
Your purpose is beyond what you can fathom, manifest it with all of your being.
Depression and anxiety will not defeat you.
It’s taken some time to learn these lessons, and probably would have been helpful growing up, but you know now and that’s what’s important. You know that your life is valuable although you may feel tortured sometimes. Keep that smile on your face because its beyond beautiful.
Despite the pain, the tears, and the loneliness, you have a job to do. Get up and keep going.
“Have you ever wanted to be taller? Or maybe felt less than because your grades weren’t the best in the class? Ever felt yourself changing in ways that weren’t really like you to fit into a crowd? Comparing ourselves to others and stunting our sense of self-worth to be more like the people around us harms our views of who we are. The more we compare and strive to be what we are not, the more we lose what we are and who we want to become.
How do we shift comparing ourselves to others to accepting and growing in self-love?”
“A gratitude list is a list of things, places, people, situations, or traits about ourselves that we are grateful for. Creating a gratitude list helps us to reflect and think through what’s good about our experiences and life overall. Building a habit of gratitude increases our awareness, knowledge, and point of contact when we find ourselves comparing our lives with others.”
A boundary is a limit or rule we set for ourselves to honor our inner and outer well-being. Whether that boundary is to protect ourselves, to reserve energy, resources and money, to stop ourselves from the urge to continuously give or “save” another, or simply to respect our personal goals and self-worth, it’s essential to build and maintain personal boundaries.
Personal boundaries are what separate us from giving too much of ourselves to things, people, and situations that do not serve our growth and progress. While it may appear ideal to be able to do everything and anything without limits, we cannot and should not exhaust ourselves of our personal needs. We are responsible for what we allow. Whether in relationships (familial or romantic), with friends, at work, or anywhere where we are interacting with others, practicing boundaries helps us to be in tune with ourselves and our values.
Something to Remember: We are not perfect and cannot do everything or please everyone at the expense of our mental, physical, or emotional well-being.
How can we, therefore, set boundaries that will help us prioritize our needs?
Self-Awareness and Boundary Setting
Increasing self-awareness is an important step when building and maintaining personal boundaries. The more we know who we are and what we are okay with, the more we can establish and sustain boundaries that serve us best. Understanding the balance between too much, too little, and the right amount of energy and effort can push us in the right direction in creating healthy boundaries.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself that will help you reflect and understand whether you need to set stricter boundaries:
How do I feel?
How would I rather feel?
Should I say no?
Do I have time to spare?
Does this make me feel uncomfortable?
Is this benefiting me?
Am I overexerting myself?
Do I need to do this?
Do I want to do this?
Can I do this?
Do I need time for myself?
What is okay/not okay for me to do/say?
When do I speak up?
Does something need to end?
What can I change?
What do I have control over?
Getting into the habit of asking questions is not only a good idea for self-awareness, but also for increasing confidence. Becoming reflective in understanding what we deserve and in what we will tolerate will also aid in a better understanding of self-worth.
How Boundaries Help Strengthen our Mental Health
Boundaries allow us to build a stronger connection with ourselves. Understanding who we are will help us to become more centered and mindful of what is happening around us and to us. Stern boundaries will also help us to prioritize self-care, become more direct and open as well as vocal about our needs, beliefs and values. Being able to say no and express how we feel will give us the autonomy we need to improve our sense of self-worth. We will feel more comfortable expressing ideas and thoughts without shame, embarrassment, or hesitation.
Healthy boundaries can look like saying no when necessary, balancing self-care with work, cutting ties with toxic people and situations, speaking up without feeling like a burden, putting your needs before anyone else’s unapologetically, accepting that you cannot change or save anyone and not trying to, and giving yourself permission to feel and reflect without the opinion of others.
Affirmations to help Maintain and Sustain Positive Personal Boundaries:
I set standards for myself and will stick to them.
I know who I am and what is good for me.
I understand my personal boundaries.
I honor myself and my boundaries.
I have a right to my feelings.
I can firmly state my boundaries.
I am confident in my ability to set boundaries with others.
I will say no when necessary.
I am safe.
I am in control of my life.
Next Steps and Final Thoughts
As we move into a space of self-acceptance and self-awareness remember to honor your boundaries and give yourself permission to grow and reflect on your needs. Continuously grow in your boundaries in love and compassion for yourself.
If I were to tell you that the lists of things you’ve done, the relationships you have, or the job titles you’ve held don’t make you who you are, would you believe me?
SparklyWarTanks 