Tag: Mental Health

Posted in Confessions, Mental Health, Notes, Reflection

SWT 100 Notes Note 29: Exhaustion

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

You ever been so tired your bones hurt?

You ever been so tired your eyes were heavy and your head nodded to the side?

You ever felt so tired that you could feel real tears forming in your eyes because all you wanted was to be able to sleep?

My worst fear in life is to feel this type of exhaustion again. To feel so much in a daze about reality that I wanted a break from being awake. I’ve become this exhausted more than one time, and I’m so afraid of feeling like this again. I’m afraid of the headaches, the irritation, the hunger, the dissociation, the lack of energy, and the anxiety that comes with it.

While my sleeping patterns will probably never get to where they need to be, I can always count on being able to sleep through the mornings while I gather myself to live through the next day.

College and food service jobs exhausted me so much I just want to be in bed. I want to recover and be able to sleep as much as I need to. I guess that’s why I’m afraid of getting another job.

I don’t want to feel this type of exhaustion again.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Reflection

BayArt Article: What I want Others to Understand about Depression

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

The Issues with Depression

Depression can be difficult to talk about and even more difficult to explain. Depression is different for everyone and challenging to deal with especially when the symptoms conflict with completing everyday tasks. It can be debilitating and paralyzing, prohibiting you from doing what you usually do on a daily basis.

Understanding depression can be frustrating for both the person who struggles with it and those around them. It takes patience, kindness, love, empathy, and compassion to be able to deal with that person as they understand themselves in their mental hardships.

Understanding Depression: An Amplification of a Negative Self-Image

Depression makes negative emotions extreme. If you feel down, depression will maximize your thoughts in ways that will remind you a million more reasons why you’re not good enough or why you can’t do something. Feeling lonely? Depression will tell you that no one cares. If you feel hopeless, or angry, or anxious, depression will amplify those feelings and convince you that you deserve to feel that way. It makes everything your fault. Depression, however, is what’s wrong, not you. If you’re in a state of any type of depression, understand that amplification of negative self-talk.

While depression is different for everyone depending on their circumstances and triggers, a low sense of self-does not allow them to heal or recover quickly. It takes time and constant self-work to not fall under the assumptions and hopelessness of depressive thoughts, but you have power.

To the One who Struggles: Lean Toward Recovery and Self-Care

Tell yourself, and show yourself that those amplified horrible assumptions are not you. You are good enough, strong enough, and brave enough to say no to the depression. Train your mind to see the opposite of those false thoughts. Be active in your healing. Talk sense to your strength in order to wage war on your depressive thoughts. Don’t fall in the slums of your mental struggle. When you feel yourself sinking, allow yourself to float. Just let go. Your tense response to depression is making you sink, rise above it. Rise above your thoughts with all of your power. You can fight back. You are brave.

To the Loved ones of People who Struggle with Depression: Listen to them

Depression can be difficult to talk about especially when the depression itself is telling you that no one cares. If you notice or see depressive symptoms in someone you know or love, talk to them and let them know that they are noticed and loved. Allow for them to be honest, if that’s what they want to do, and if they talk negatively about themselves reassure them that they are good enough, strong enough and that you care about them. How they might respond depends on how they are feeling, but being unconditionally loving and present allows them the space to reach out if they want to talk or ask for help.

Although it depends on the person and whether they want help or not, little gestures of compassion and caring will go a long way. Know who they are and what they like. Be present and aware. Be conscious and awake. Try your best. There is also suggesting professional help or therapy for them as well.

Since depression is so ambiguous and diverse depending on the person who has it, it’s all up to understanding the person and who they are. Healing for them is individual and you can be a part of that healing.

Find article in link below:

What I want Others to Understand about Depression

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Quotes, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Living with Anxiety: My Life and my Struggles are Valid

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

Living with anxiety is not always easy to explain. Some days “feel” okay, while others are filled with worry and nervousness. I try my best to be “positive” in the lowest sense of the term in my low days, and try to keep productive in my high days. One of the most difficult times when living with anxiety, however, is trying to explain it to others.

You understand that sometimes what makes you nervous or anxious shouldn’t make you so but it does. Or maybe it should be easy to calm yourself when you feel overwhelmed, but it’s not.

Realize that you are not crazy and what you have you are more than. You are brave, strong, and powerful even when you feel like you’re not. Your feelings are valid. Never let anyone take your power to validate your struggle away.

Some days are difficult, especially those days your pain spills out in panic, but remember that you have purpose.

See your purpose outside of your pain and trauma. See your purpose outside of your anxiety. Your life will always and forever have worth.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Late Night Talks With Nina, Mental Health, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Videos

Late Night talks with Nina: Let’s talk about Depression and Mental Illness

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

Let’s not only look out for our “strong friends” in the wake of the multiple suicides that has surfaced in the past month. Let’s talk about depression wholeatically and ways that we can be helpful to one another. Let’s talk about mental illnesses and things that we can do to better the lives of the ones we see show symptoms that are obvious and not so obvious. Let’s be aware and awake for one another. Let’s be supportive, invested, and not afraid to sit and talk to each other about mental struggles we go through. Let’s look out for everyone and not just the ones we suspect are “too strong” and may be hiding depression. Let’s instead understand, learn, and gain perspective about mental illnesses and ways that we, as their loved ones, can continuously aid in their healing process. Let the ones who are struggling be comfortable enough to talk about their struggles even if it’s vague or confusing at first. Let us be authentic to one another. Let us ask questions, be present, and actively love on each other.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Notes, Potential and Worth, Reflection, Self-Care

SWT 100 Notes Note 28: Making Decisions while Having High Functioning Anxiety

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

Before I developed anxiety, I would push myself to my limit. My perfectionism didn’t allow me to do anything but my best, and because of that I never looked at myself or my health before making decisions. In my days after college living with anxiety, making decisions about everything has to be thought out with my health first changing my approach on life entirely.

I’ve been in the most uncomfortable situations because I have to explain to people that I can’t. I’ve never known myself to not do something because of my mental health, but the past 2 years have been both humiliating and embarrassing. I have to measure stress levels in environments, decide what’s best for me based on whether I would get overwhelmed or not and it’s not been easy what’s so ever.

I’ve learned, however, that because of my anxiety I’m the most important person in my life. If I want to heal, I have to put myself first no matter who judges me and thinks that I’m weak, overexagerating, or believes what I’m going through is not real. Although I’ve cried having this realization many times in the past year, I can say that I refuse to have another panic attack another day in my life. I will not backtrack my healing to make money or satisfy anyone’s inability to see the realness in my struggle.

I’m my first priority and I will find peace in my mental chaos. I will surround myself with things that are good and not allow anyone to tell me that I’m crazy.

I love myself and will continue with my healing in ways that I know best. The only person who can tell me how to heal me is me. I will heal by understanding and knowing myself.

My healing will progress by me having a voice about my well-being.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Self-Talk

BayArt Article: How Six Feet of Water Changed my Anxiety

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks
Floating changed my anxiety
Learning to Float Changed my Anxiety

Vacations with Tati

In the first week of May, I visited my closest friend Tati in Syracuse. When I’m with Tati we go on adventures and I have the opportunity to try new daring things I would otherwise pass up. This May I went jogging in six feet of water for the first time. I didn’t know what water jogging was or that it meant going to the deepest part of the pool until we arrived at the YMCA.

Excited to do something different, I tagged along thinking I would be in a pool that was at least four feet because all of my experience with pools consisted of small blow-up kiddie pools. I got this, right? Not at all. At least not at first.

When I walked down the pool steps into the chlorine filled abyss of horror, the water made my legs wobbly but my flotation belt (which helps with the water jogging) helped me stand straight. Instant fear struck and I became paralyzed. I never felt this type of fear before. Tati looked at me concerned because she didn’t know this was my first time in an adult pool. After learning how I afraid I was, she quickly grabbed a small kickboard to help me float. I watched as two young girls, unafraid, swam with confidence and joy. I wish I had the confidence of a child.
I felt terrified at first, but after a few moments of Tati explaining to me of my safety I floated to the edge of the pool and began to float along to the deep side. Five feet…then six feet. She explained to me that our bodies will always float but I have to take control of my movements. I used my strength to maneuver my body and muscles into more comfortable positions which meant focusing while I was floating. “When you panic your body tenses and you lose that control,” she said. Water jogging is harder then it looks. It helped to straighten my legs in order to trust that my control of myself will keep me afloat.
The more she talked to me the more I began to understand my fear and was able to control my body. I needed to trust the water and trust myself. I WILL ALWAYS FLOAT. As my lesson continued and with Tati’s voice to guide me, I finally got the right rhythm to water jog. My first time in an adult pool and I learned so much!

Water, Anxiety, and Control

How does this relate to my anxiety? An uncontrolled situation fuels my anxiety. My mind escalates situations even before I can decide in what ways I have control and what ways I don’t. The water became my uncontrolled variable. While in the water, I found myself panicking because the water resistance did not allow me to comfortably stand straight or control my immediate movements. In order to stay upright, I needed to focus.

I learned to stay calm and remember I will always float and control what I do. Fighting back the water resistance allowed me to use my abilities and strength to build focus and confidence. Control in water means I’m able to move my body, stay straight, move my arms in ways that helped my head stay above the water. I controlled myself even though there wasn’t immediate support around me. Just me and the water. The moment I felt overwhelmed my body would float in a plank position until I straightened myself and rid my mind of my own anxiety.

I have control because at that moment I realized I’m always in control one way or another. I will always float and I will be okay. Focusing allows my mind to become relaxed. As I trust my element, my situation, and circumstance I will be in control of confidence and calmness. Six feet of water taught me that calmness and focus is what keeps me floating above the water. I will not drown, I will learn to swim. My anxiety will not fool me into believing I do not have control of myself.

I will always float.

Find article on link below:

How Six Feet of Water Changed my Anxiety

Thank you to my best friend, Tatiana Williams, for challenging me and being patient with my healing journey and fear.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Self-Talk

BayArt Article: When My Depression Silences Me

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks
Author in the shadows
Silenced in the Shadow

The Cycle of Depressive Silence

It’s been some time since I’ve seen symptoms of my depression. Recently, however, I couldn’t help but notice the old cycles of those symptoms reoccurring and reappearing. I’m sleeping for longer hours, isolating myself, feeling a great sense of irritation and hopelessness and lastly losing my sense of communication.

Since I was young, maybe in my middle school to early high school days, I would go days without speaking to anyone. In those moments I would feel mentally and physically numb. Life would feel like a distant distraction. I didn’t know how to tell others I was struggling, so I stood silent. As I walked around like a lifeless zombie, I was unable to express myself in ways that I usually could. I was silent and unable to speak. Those moments of silence my brain convinced me that I was exaggerating and should suffer in silence. I locked myself up and silently cry.

In other moments, ones that are relatively recent to the past two months, I would even be around people that I love and still have a depressive episode while out in public. Those moments are filled with tears and a closed mouth, onlooking eyes, and judgmental stares of confusion. One thought, one memory, one sense of loneliness can lead to an explosive moment of overwhelming grief. And all I can think about is why. My logical mind is criticizing my reaction while my depression is flooding my mind with thoughts, ideas, and scenarios that are unreasonable and silly. I’m now unable to communicate so instead I push the ones around me away in embarrassment while I run away silenced by my own mental turmoil. What’s wrong with me?

Ending the Silence of Depression

While this phenomenon of silence is not new, I’m doing a better job at noticing the culmination of ideas and thoughts that might lead up to it. In hopes to overcome this reaction, I will communicate more with those that listen to my silent cries and hints. I will talk, ask for help, demand better for myself, and not allow myself to be silenced by my own depressive tendencies.

Depression has a sneaky way of convincing you that your life does not matter and in order to fight those moments of hopelessness, you must have a greater mental toughness to push past those thoughts. Some thoughts might be subtle and sudden, others might linger, but you must always convince yourself that you are a life worth living and listening to. Do not silence yourself in hopes to spare someone else’s irritation or lack of care. There are people who care for you and your well being. Find those people and know who they are.

While I continue to learn through my depression in hopes of overcoming it, I send out good vibes and hope to those who suffer in silence. Don’t silence yourself anymore. Your voice is essential and your life even more so. Fight for your right to be heard through your struggle. Fight for your life because you belong here

Find article in link below:

When My Depression Silences Me

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Late Night Talks With Nina, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Videos

Late Night Talks with Nina: Explaining the Gradual Manifestation of my Anxiety

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

As I learn to explain what anxiety is to others, I have to first validate what it is in my head and love myself through it. Anxiety is something I go through everyday and by understanding where it came from, I can treat it and take steps in my healing process.

Posted in Declarations, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Self-Care

#Writeitdown Declarations to live by and Internalize: Health

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

I will be healthy. To be healthy is to say no to things that negatively effect your mental, physical, or emotional well being. Declare that you will be healthy from now on. If something isn’t good for you, don’t allow it to progress itself and disturb your internal peace.