Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Late Night Talks With Nina, Mental Health, Other Accomplishments, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Videos

A Reflection: The Mighty Mic

The Mighty Mic was an amazing experience. I’m extremely grateful that I was able to collaborate with The Mighty to help my community as they find strength in their mental health struggles. Here are some highlights from my event and a message that I learned.  I will be planning and hosting more events so stay tuned!

My Open Mic Poem: A Messy Masterpiece

I look up to the rainbow that extends from one end of the equator to the other.

The rain that just passed has drenched me with growing pains as the flowers sprout from my insides out.

A messy masterpiece they called me.

As I feel the thunderstorms inside my gut, my tears run frantically like uncontrolled children in the playground.
A messy masterpiece they call me.
I can’t breathe like someone is putting duct tape on my mouth as I try to scream, my surrounding get blurry again, I can’t see
Overwhelm
A messy masterpiece they call me
I’m a mess I say
They say
They look at me confused because I’m in one of my silent spells, they think I’m upset but really I’m in this deep dark place in my head, my body is free but my mind captive
A messy masterpiece they call me

Sometimes my bed arrest me

I’m in trouble from the thoughts that told on me, I broke the law

Now I’m confined to my pillow and blankets, I got life but I’m planning on breaking out
Sooner than later because I deserve to be free
A messy masterpiece they call me
You see, my footprints tell a story
It’s not just an abandoned trial
It’s meant to be a pathway for other people like me
How I walked that walk and now they can see a way they can go
They too are messy masterpieces fashioned together to make beautiful poetry learning that their voices too do still matter
Because ears that need to listen will be drawn to the sounds of their voices in the distance
The Mighty Voices
A messy masterpiece they call me

My Story and Advice

After some mighty poets and speakers shared I was compelled to share my story to them as well. I noticed a pattern in the themes that recurred in the poems and pieces everyone shared and thought I would give some advice based on what I learned.

Late Night Talks With Nina: Final Thoughts

Navigating Purpose

Purpose, worth, self-talk, and identity were themes that recurred while I sat and soaked in the message of each story. While we are faced with difficulties with our mental health, it’s often due to mental conversations about those themes. As we continue on in our journey and our battle we must let go of the notion of a single purpose or single mission conforming to the standards of the society we live. Instead, we must continuously walk in our own self-fulfillment-whatever that looks like-while also navigating our peace through the opportunities we are able to take up. We live our life through how much we are filled with happiness and satisfaction with what we are doing. Let’s not waste ourselves with expecting purpose to manifest without manifesting ourselves in the process. We manifest purpose by being alive and continue fulfilling our own talents. Learn yourself, love yourself, and find peace through appreciating your life and the opportunity to live it.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Late Night Talks With Nina, Mental Health, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Videos

Late Night talks with Nina: Let’s talk about Depression and Mental Illness

Let’s not only look out for our “strong friends” in the wake of the multiple suicides that has surfaced in the past month. Let’s talk about depression wholeatically and ways that we can be helpful to one another. Let’s talk about mental illnesses and things that we can do to better the lives of the ones we see show symptoms that are obvious and not so obvious. Let’s be aware and awake for one another. Let’s be supportive, invested, and not afraid to sit and talk to each other about mental struggles we go through. Let’s look out for everyone and not just the ones we suspect are “too strong” and may be hiding depression. Let’s instead understand, learn, and gain perspective about mental illnesses and ways that we, as their loved ones, can continuously aid in their healing process. Let the ones who are struggling be comfortable enough to talk about their struggles even if it’s vague or confusing at first. Let us be authentic to one another. Let us ask questions, be present, and actively love on each other.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Late Night Talks With Nina, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Videos

Late Night Talks with Nina: Explaining the Gradual Manifestation of my Anxiety

As I learn to explain what anxiety is to others, I have to first validate what it is in my head and love myself through it. Anxiety is something I go through everyday and by understanding where it came from, I can treat it and take steps in my healing process.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Late Night Talks With Nina, Potential and Worth, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Videos

Late Night Talks with Nina: 14 Sparkly Reminders for Self-care

List of 14 reminders referred and read in video for self-care while you get through your days.

  • Love yourself
  • Practice Self-care
  • Be patient with yourself
  • Give yourself gealthy work loads
  • Don’t overthink
  • Say “no” when necessary
  • Give yoyrself credit
  • Sleep at night
  • Eat breakfast..lunch…and dinner
  • Talk posutive to yourself
  • Ask for HELP!!
  • Continuously realize who you are.
  • You are an individual
  • You are talented
  • No one is like you.
  • Make list as to not overload your mind with things to do.
  • Remind yourself that you are worthy, beautiful, and a life worth living.

Take care and be safe.

    Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Potential and Worth, Videos, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

    An Intro: Confessions of my Anxiety and Depression

    This video was a requirement for a job opportunity I didn’t get, so I will be sharing it here.  This is my attempt at talking about what I go through.  It’s a bit vague and short, but liberating.  It’s easier for me to write about what I go through than talk about it.  Sometimes I can’t find the words to speak, but I can write them down.  Sometimes I can create a quote or a poem, but I can’t blatantly talk about the struggles I go through.  This is the first of many videos I hope to make in the future.  The video quality isn’t great and it’s a bit choppy, but this is new for me.  Hope you enjoy.

    This is me being open and honest about my depression and anxiety.  This is me not pushing my struggles under the rug or declaring what I have isn’t real.  This is me facing my monsters.  This is me putting myself out in the open.  This is me healing.

    Posted in Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Self-Talk, Videos

    I Set Free My Quarantined Sanity

    My nerves spilled and scattered on the pavement

    I couldn’t gather them as I trudged and dragged my exhaustion to class that day

    Last October

    I carried what I could of last night’s sleep, maybe 3 hours, and the anxiety, a monster growing in the pit of my stomach drowning me till the world seemed like a blurry smudge painting

    My last year of college came to me like a ton of bricks delivered to my front doorstep

    My life turned into a war since I started to worry

    Every

    Single

    Moment

    Of

    Every

    Single

    Day

    My perfectionist tendencies paired with the thoughts of deadlines…no motivation…and a fear of tomorrow.  It made a nice soup ready for panic, don’t you think?

    I stirred myself daily but still seemed to make it to every class, do every assignment, and manage a research project

    That’s how I was last year

    I sat in a office with a woman I told myself to maybe once a week hoping that my fear of living will transform into something else 

    That’s how I was last year

    When I reminisce and think back, I feel how I felt, that numb yet nervous feeling

    I can still feel it there, lingering 

    Last year, I didn’t want to wake up to the sun rising and I didn’t triumph for completing 3 years of college

    Instead…

    I dreaded the thought of every day coming, long days turning into long nights, a hungry stomach, and the quarantine I built around my sanity

    That was last year

    I don’t know how I seemed to make it a whole year later though 

    In the midst of the strains and labor pains of reality, I managed to give birth to a project

    This project spiraled in me October of 2015 until it was born

    I named her SparklyWarTanks

    I made her to fight back 

    To win the war

    To let my sanity free

    Every time I wrote something I saved myself and I took another ingredient out of the soup 

    I typed, pounded my fingers on my keyboard, to explain the motive for the birth of something new in me

    I wanted to save another woman’s life while saving my own too

    I wanted to burst out and say:

    “Take care of yourself, take care of your mind, and your body!”

    “You are important and you matter.”

    “You are powerful and worthy, and beautiful.  You don’t need anyone to tell you.”

    Of course those were messages I needed someone to tell me, but instead I became the billboard

    The more I wrote, the more I felt the walls crumbling, the walls crowding and containing my sanity were falling

    I found the key to the cage of my anxiety which surrounded my quarantined sanity

    In october of 2016, grown into an adult, SparklyWarTanks evolved into a vision, into a foundation for women empowerment and mental health, one project exploded into a space, a place, a sanctuary to be safe

    My anxiety transformed its face into the partner of ideas and the employer of a plan, it turned into passion.
    So as I write, I write to the woman who hates herself and to the one with depression, I write to the woman with the eating disorder and to the ones living on the streets, I’m writing to the ones going through a midlife crisis and self-realization, I write to the mother and to the survivor, I write to the women who hurt and the ones who are stressed, I write to the powerful women and the ones making a difference, I write to the lawyers, and doctors, and writers, and motivators, and to our future

    I write to support our next generation of women

    That we stand up for ourselves and never hold our sanity hostage

    That we declare our independence from expectation and perfectionism

    That we defend ourselves and fight for our will to wake up peacefully and unafraid

    If I could sum up how I’ve changed from last year to this year, I would simply say

    I let my sanity free