Tag: confession

Posted in Confessions, Creative Writing, Mental Health, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

The Love I Seek is Also Seeking Me

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

Is anyone else as exhausted as I am?

The more I reflect, the more I realize how much energy it’s taking to process the grief that’s these past three years has weighed on my body, my heart, and my spirit. And even though I push past every time, I’m still tired.

Is anyone else like me? Where navigating the World is overwhelming some days. Where I try my best, but still it’s hard not to compare my life to others. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live life as if I was another?

Where you asks the questions that don’t matter, but still blossom into ruminating thoughts. Like, will they accept me? Or, Can someone love me, too? Maybe, will I ever really feel free to be myself, 100% myself, without worrying that I’m too weird or different for the eyes that witness me? Perhaps it’s the sicknesses that plague my body that dictate my fate after all?

Who can love me, too? I ask myself as I wake up in an anxious puddle of sweat dripping down my burdened shoulders.

Maybe, just maybe it’s possible. The love. The acceptance. The bliss of freedom to be myself without fear.

I ask the universe to allow me that freedom.
Right now, I manifest that freedom. I am free from the drought of shame, grief, and guit. I am worthy of the love I seek because it seeks me too. I am ready to receive.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

I’m Not “Too Much”

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

Hi my name is Nina and I’m highly sensitive. Yes, I’ve said this before and yes, it’s something I’m learning to love about myself. Plagued with hearing the phrases like I’m “too sensitive” or “too deep” penetrates my psyche leaving me feeling invalidated and strange.

Yes, I notice things, very subtle things. I notice patterns and changes; I notice character traits and inconsistencies; I notice my feelings from an overwhelming amount of notices. In an attempt to create stricter boundaries for myself honoring my needs and concerns, I express thoughts on these notices. It’s been a tough road as I’ve grown frustrated with how much I feel and all that I notice.

Ultimately, I simply want to be able to express myself without being “too much.” I’m not too much. This is me in my high sensitivity.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

#IAM

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

If I were to tell you that the lists of things you’ve done, the relationships you have, or the job titles you’ve held don’t make you who you are, would you believe me?
If I were to tell you that you are whole just because, would you think I’m wrong?No matter what we do or who we think we have to become we are fundamentally valuable and worth living every single day. It doesn’t matter how much we get done, or how much we’ve been through, every day we wake up we hold the power of our value and worth and that never changes.”I am” despite of anything that follows that statement.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

Life Lessons: What I Wish I Knew as a Child that I Know Now

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

Dear Nina,

It’s been a really rough 2020 already. It’s tried to knock you down, step on you, and declare your defeat. What 2020 doesn’t know is you already declared that no matter what, you will figure out how to bounce back EVERY SINGLE TIME. No matter how complicated or complex the struggle, nothing will overcome your resilience.

I know you’re hurting but I also know you learned so much through the pain you endured.

You learned that:

  • It’s okay to be sensitive.
  • It’s okay to cry and express emotions.
  • Learn early how to love and accept yourself.
  • You are different and that fact will catalyst your passion.
  • People will look out for themselves.
  • Put yourself first because no one else will.
  • You are not like everyone, your self-care looks different.
  • You don’t need to be with someone to be whole.
  • Your empathy is powerful, build it up.
  • You have a soft and gentle spirit, protect yourself, learn how to say no.
  • Your mind will tell you a lot of lies, declare your power and control over yourself.
  • People have their own trauma and will show it through their behavior, do not take it personal.
  • Self-awareness is scary but necessary.
  • Your mind is very very powerful, use it to create and influence change.
  • Your purpose is beyond what you can fathom, manifest it with all of your being.
  • Depression and anxiety will not defeat you.

It’s taken some time to learn these lessons, and probably would have been helpful growing up, but you know now and that’s what’s important. You know that your life is valuable although you may feel tortured sometimes. Keep that smile on your face because its beyond beautiful.

Despite the pain, the tears, and the loneliness, you have a job to do. Get up and keep going.

With love and power, SparklyWarTanks

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

Therapy Takeaways: Reclaiming Self-Love Through Passion

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

A collage depiction of what self-love looks like inside of me, traveling through my veins.

Going Back to Therapy

For the last month and a half or so I’ve been seeing a therapist for the first time since that one semester in my senior year of college. Although it’s difficult to manage all the emotions that come up as I talk through all of “my stuff”, I’m continuing to come in contact with the parts of me that were previously tucked deeply away. The more I talk and navigate my experiences, the more I’m able to identify the parts of me that need healing.

In these few weeks I learned three big things about my personality, habits, and tendencies:

1. I’m a highly sensitive person and a hopeless romantic.

2. I have issues with feeling good enough and loving myself in the same intensity that I love others.

3. I’m a recovering perfectionist and still struggle with “doing” too much to feel seen. I try to “stay busy” in order to distract myself from feelings unlovable, worthless, and enough. I crave outside stimuli to try to fill a void inside.

The Creative Cure

As I’m learning about what it means to be me, the good and the bad, I found that creativity and writing are my most helpful tools for feeling better.

Because I’m aware of my perfectionism, I’m trying to reverse and redirect the energies I put in “doing”, “pleasing” and “overexerting” back into myself. As I practice what feeds my passion, I’m beginning to realize what love means for me. The more I see what love is for me, the more I can pour back into myself the void of practicing and feeling self-love.

Passion and Learning Self-love

Passion is the manifestation of self-love — It’s love in doing. Passion is one of the only feelings (along with ambition, for example) that can not be given to someone else. To feel passion is to come in contact with something in yourself that feeds your needs and fuels your purpose.

When I create, write, and tell my story I feel passion. Doing what I feel passion for allows me to access peace and satisfaction perfectionism never can.

As I move closer to reclaiming my self-love, allowing it to travel to all parts of me (including my perspective of myself), I will use writing and creativity to help heal me of my self-love wound.

Some Advice

Find your passion. Find what helps you feel good and accomplished. Learn about yourself and learn what love means to you. Feel and access the energy of love. Once you’ve found the peace that comes with love, you can practice love for yourself and with others.

Self-care with unbreakable self-love is powerful and can help you build a healthier you.

See this collage on my Mighty page.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Hi, I’m Nina and I’m a Highly Sensitive Person

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

I’m the HSP

Hi, I’m Nina and I’m a highly sensitive person. I’ve hated this about me just about my whole life. The emotions, the intensity, the sensitivities to loud sounds, really bright lights, and too much outside stimulation. I was the “you’re always crying” kid, the perfectionist, and the overthinker; I can overthink just about anything.

It took me till just now, 25 years old, to learn and accept my sensitivities. I feel things so deeply and wish I can turn it off sometimes. I wish I can have long days, hold 2 jobs, and socialize with a large group for hours, but I can’t. Not me.

My sensitivities get me into trouble sometimes. When im overstimulated, I isolate myself to sleep and to recharge…but sometimes I tend to do this in weird moments without a proper farewell to the ones around me.

I’m the Introvert

Hi again, I’m Nina and I’m a highly sensitive person AND I’m also an introvert. I can be on my own for hours crafting and creating things and that gives me so much joy. I’m also quiet, except around 4 people.

My sensitivities have given me some superpowers too, like empathy, even though it feels like a curse sometimes. I feel what others feel and wish I can take their pain away and mine too.

Battles that Come

A mixture of being an HSP, an introvert, and an empath comes with difficulties, though. I’m always in my head, worrying about something, which makes it difficult to think straight sometimes. Because of this, I battle symptoms of depression, a whole lot of anxiety, and panic attacks.

So, self-care is important for me. Drinking lots of tea, minding my breathing, and writing my thoughts out are my favorite go-to remedies.

So, what now?

Well, that was a lot to confess. For those parts of me that I’ve hated for so long, I accept them and welcome new methods of self-care that makes life less intense. I acknowledge my sensitivity and honor who I am. I no longer take it as a burden, but as a superpower, an intrinsic part of me. Im different and that’s okay.

*HSP Sensitivity sticker will be available mid to late December in my Etsy shop! Check Etsy.com/shop/MotivateBySWT

To my fellow HSP’s, it’s okay to be sensitive and have different needs. We deserve to be understood too. I know the struggle and feel for every one of you. Let’s prioritize and be gentle with ourselves. We’re important too.

Posted in Confessions, Defying Shadows Articles, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Other Publications, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

Defying Shadows Article: Why I Choose to Talk About my Mental Health

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

You see me express myself, I wear my emotional wounds for all to see. I’m building my self-awareness through my healing and it’s because I choose to write about my mental health.

“I write and talk about my mental health because I know what it’s like to feel alone, unwanted, worthless, hopeless, and unaccomplished. I know what it’s like to feel invisible, to worry to the point of a panic attack, and to feel trapped. I write and talk about my mental health because deep down I wish I can hug and show all those who suffer silently that they don’t have to suffer alone. I write to share and motivate others to keep going even if they feel they can’t.

I neglected my mental health and thought I wasn’t good enough or worthy of love and life unless I proved myself to be so. I didn’t understand my intrinsic worth or purpose and because of this lived in a constant state of depression and anxiety.

If you are reading this, know that you are more than. You are full of purpose, power, and worth and nothing and no one can strip you of this. No matter what those negative thoughts said, you are doing a great job and I’m proud of you.”

Link: Why I Choose to Talk About my Mental Health

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

The Five Promises of Reclaiming Myself

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

Dear Nina,

I’m so proud of all you’ve accomplished this year; from facing your fears and sharing your story to starting therapy and unpacking all that’s going on in your head. The more time goes on, the more you’re growing into the woman that shatters stereotypes and demolishes stigma and that makes you amazing.

From now on here are five promises to make to yourself:
1. Honor yourself and your mental health by setting clear boundaries and never settling for less.
2. Put yourself first because you matter, too.
3. Have some fun, however that looks for you, and be easy on yourself.
4. Take breaks because you deserve to feel energized and ready to take on those big projects you love.
5. Reminding yourself daily that you are enough and DO NOT NEED anyone to validate that FACT.

There’s so much in store for you so stop questioning your worth and value because of how others treat you. Learn to love yourself REGARDLESS. You are a shining light and I hope you learn to believe that.This is the year of reclaiming self.

With all the love in the world
From the best parts of you,
SparklyWarTanks

Posted in Challenges, Confessions, Creations, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Talk

8-Day Reflection Card Series Day 6

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

What makes you strong? What have you been working on, building up, becoming better at, good in, and achieving?

Everything you do and continue to do in the process of becoming more of yourself makes you strong. No matter how big or small, your progress is a sign of power and bravery.

Reflection:

My effort makes me strong.

Despite people not understanding me, questioning me, and looking at me different I keep going.

Despite being highly sensitive/an empath, getting easily overwhelmed, feeling tired often, having anxiety, battling depression, I keep trying.

Declaration: With everything I am and all that I see myself becoming, I will continue to put in constant effort.

See this card on my Mighty Page here.

Posted in Challenges, Confessions, Creations, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Talk

8-Day Reflection Card Series Day 5

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

What do you see yourself becoming? What is your overall vision? What does a constant state of healing or thriving look like for you?

To have goals means to see an outcome or idea come to life. Ideally, if you can craft what success would look like for you, how would you describe it? Create the image of what you want to accomplish then start becoming more and more of what that success is for you.

Reflection:

When I think of success, I think of who I want to be, and what I want to become. Being able to network, open up, and communicate with others is an important aspect of my vision of success. In order to get my creative vision flourishing, speaking with others and gaining different types of resources is important.

Success for me is also self-awareness. Self-awareness is my main tool for healing. The more I know me, the more I’m able to gain control and feel how I want to feel.

Goal/Affirmation: I am who my own purpose and I will work toward becoming successful in the ways that fit me.