Dear Little Nina,
We’re 30 years old already. Can you believe it?! We made it this far. And, yes, we still have big emotions that feel overwhelming sometimes. But, I’m still working on our goals and I’m continuously redefining what success looks like every day.
We were going through some old pictures with mom a few weeks ago and I finally remember. I remember how you felt most of the time. I remember the moments where you didn’t feel seen or loved by anyone. I remember when you started to use perfectionism and people pleasing to try to get people to notice and prioritize you. I remember when self-hate seeped in, too. I’m unlearning all those things for us, though. You are lovable and don’t need to be perfect for anyone to realize how valuable you are. We don’t need to go above and beyond anymore, hurting ourselves by doing too much, just so people can be happy that we’re around.
I remember when we didn’t know how to identify our emotions and were confused a lot of the time from our sensitivities. I know how often we cried from being overstimulated. No need to worry though. I’ve created safety for us now. You can feel your feelings and no one will get mad or yell at you anymore.
Little Nina, there is nothing wrong with you. There was never anything wrong with you. Our big emotions make us extra special. Our brain gets sad and anxious sometimes now, and sometimes we have bad dreams, but I promise I’ll take care of us.
I know that there were things you really wanted to experience, especially when we were a teen, and it hasn’t happened yet, but that’s OK. We still have more life to live and people to meet. I’m trying my hardest not to give up on certain things. I know how much we value love and want to bask in it as much as possible. But, I can’t say I don’t struggle with that idea still.
I’ve grown in loving US, though. I love you so much and want you to feel safe to be you. You are amazing, talented, funny, and beautiful. Your light is sooo bright and it’ll only get brighter as we get older. You don’t have to be scared anymore. I put boundaries up to protect us, OK?
We are helping other people who felt like you did growing up now. I’m sharing our story so we can help other people feel loved and seen, too.
We’re doing a great job and walking in our purpose. It started with you, though, because you did your best with what you had. I got it from here.
I love you so much 🩷
Big hugs and kisses from 30 year old you,
Adult Nina
SparklyWarTanks 