I made this and put it on my wall as a reminder that all of me is free.
I am not trapped to the confines of expectations. I am not obligated to hide my words as to adjust to the comfort of others. I am free from the limiting and ruminating thoughts. I am free to make my own decisions. I am free to be myself in every way. I exude excitement to share my interests and what makes me who I am. I am present. I hold space. My voice matters. I have good ideas. I do what’s best for me. I give myself permission to be free.
The more I reflect, the more I realize how much energy it’s taking to process the grief that’s these past three years has weighed on my body, my heart, and my spirit. And even though I push past every time, I’m still tired.
Is anyone else like me? Where navigating the World is overwhelming some days. Where I try my best, but still it’s hard not to compare my life to others. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live life as if I was another?
Where you asks the questions that don’t matter, but still blossom into ruminating thoughts. Like, will they accept me? Or, Can someone love me, too? Maybe, will I ever really feel free to be myself, 100% myself, without worrying that I’m too weird or different for the eyes that witness me? Perhaps it’s the sicknesses that plague my body that dictate my fate after all?
Who can love me, too? I ask myself as I wake up in an anxious puddle of sweat dripping down my burdened shoulders.
Maybe, just maybe it’s possible. The love. The acceptance. The bliss of freedom to be myself without fear.
I ask the universe to allow me that freedom. Right now, I manifest that freedom. I am free from the drought of shame, grief, and guit. I am worthy of the love I seek because it seeks me too. I am ready to receive.
I met peace today. I didn’t expect it to feel this way. An all encompassing power of surrender. A knowing. A feeling. Being. A state of awareness, of falling like a bird knowing the safety of freedom from the wings that will save me.
Trusting self. Knowing self. One with consciousness. No more asking questions of “who am I?” but only “I am”. Basking in a green vibrant meadow filled with an ocean of flowers. A kiss from passing wind. Sitting. One with my energy. Flowing. Existing. Awakening. Comfort and confidence in self. Moments gratitude.
Witnessing one of nature’s wonders. A waterfall of crystal clear bliss. A mountain of stern certainty. Mimicking the wonders of the moon and sun. Peace. Surrendering to right now. Present. Just as it suggest, a gift of divine intervention.
A greeting. A congradulations. A integration of self. Unconditional love of self. Integrating trauma, self-awareness and transformation. Alchemy. An equal give and take. Balance. Understanding pain.
The student. The teacher. Connection. Compassion. Love. Oneness with love. Love of self is love of others. Freedom and liberation. Silence of the mind. Being the crafter. Being the creator. Stroking the pen as I see fit to write my story.
Peace. It’s me. I am peace. Peace is inside of me.
I remember planting this seed and thinking it would never grow. Pressured by the expectation that I’m doing something wrong, I was plagued with thoughts that if it didn’t show it’s growth it would be my fault.
But, although my expectations were low, it grew anyway and the tears I shed when it showed its little leaves made me realize I’m okay.
I’m okay because the seed is planted and as long as I have even the slightest hope that it would grow, it just might grow.
With every breath in me and all of my energy, I push past the parts of myself that tell me I can’t.
Even on the mornings I ask “why?” I embody the character of resiliency.
“I am” despite the thoughts that say “I’m not.”
I define every day with what living means.
I draw it in cursive along the walls of my subconscious.
I deserve peace and I manifest it in every moment.
Although I need time to get my pain together, my strength always takes the lead.
What I have is the power those thoughts try to take from me.
But, even when I feel I’m at my lowest when the fear feels bigger than the triumph,
I get up.
I get up. Every. Single. Time.
Why? Because “I am.”
I let go.
I allow myself to flourish.
I pull all the weeds from around my insides.
I breathe again.
And with every exhale I blow it all away.
Into the universe.
Where it can no longer be found.
Getting lost behind the clouds.
Behind the stars.
I’m free now.
I let go.
Weeding out my past.
You are worthy of life, of love, of compassion, of truth, of fulfillment. Your heart lies the universe. Everything that is in you is of greatness and of depth. No matter how much you struggle, remind yourself how much you have inside of you. You have great power in you.