I met peace today. I didn’t expect it to feel this way. An all encompassing power of surrender. A knowing. A feeling. Being. A state of awareness, of falling like a bird knowing the safety of freedom from the wings that will save me.
Trusting self. Knowing self. One with consciousness. No more asking questions of “who am I?” but only “I am”. Basking in a green vibrant meadow filled with an ocean of flowers. A kiss from passing wind. Sitting. One with my energy. Flowing. Existing. Awakening. Comfort and confidence in self. Moments gratitude.
Witnessing one of nature’s wonders. A waterfall of crystal clear bliss. A mountain of stern certainty. Mimicking the wonders of the moon and sun. Peace. Surrendering to right now. Present. Just as it suggest, a gift of divine intervention.
A greeting. A congradulations. A integration of self. Unconditional love of self. Integrating trauma, self-awareness and transformation. Alchemy. An equal give and take. Balance. Understanding pain.
The student. The teacher. Connection. Compassion. Love. Oneness with love. Love of self is love of others. Freedom and liberation. Silence of the mind. Being the crafter. Being the creator. Stroking the pen as I see fit to write my story.
Peace. It’s me. I am peace. Peace is inside of me.
I remember planting this seed and thinking it would never grow. Pressured by the expectation that I’m doing something wrong, I was plagued with thoughts that if it didn’t show it’s growth it would be my fault.
But, although my expectations were low, it grew anyway and the tears I shed when it showed its little leaves made me realize I’m okay.
I’m okay because the seed is planted and as long as I have even the slightest hope that it would grow, it just might grow.
With every breath in me and all of my energy, I push past the parts of myself that tell me I can’t.
Even on the mornings I ask “why?” I embody the character of resiliency.
“I am” despite the thoughts that say “I’m not.”
I define every day with what living means.
I draw it in cursive along the walls of my subconscious.
I deserve peace and I manifest it in every moment.
Although I need time to get my pain together, my strength always takes the lead.
What I have is the power those thoughts try to take from me.
But, even when I feel I’m at my lowest when the fear feels bigger than the triumph,
I get up.
I get up. Every. Single. Time.
Why? Because “I am.”
I let go.
I allow myself to flourish.
I pull all the weeds from around my insides.
I breathe again.
And with every exhale I blow it all away.
Into the universe.
Where it can no longer be found.
Getting lost behind the clouds.
Behind the stars.
I’m free now.
I let go.
Weeding out my past.
You are worthy of life, of love, of compassion, of truth, of fulfillment. Your heart lies the universe. Everything that is in you is of greatness and of depth. No matter how much you struggle, remind yourself how much you have inside of you. You have great power in you.
I remember the time I was struck with insecurities about who I am.
How I couldn’t explain what I want to do, or who I want to be.
I remember being stuck…
Putting myself down…
After I was done doing a bad job at explaining my interests, I then immediately thought, wow, that’s stupid. What you want is not a thing.
You won’t get anywhere with that. Who does that? You’ve done nothing for yourself to get the unimaginable dream you want to come true.
And as I began to crush my dreams next to tangible accomplishments of the ones around me, I began to shrink. Shrink so small that I couldn’t see myself anymore. I saw myself in the muck and oil of my current state. I began to grab my aching back and bruised arms, rub the pain from my wrist, and throw up blood from the anxiety and the depression.
Then I thought, a hope so big brings people bed ridden for dead back to life. A hope that opens closed eyes and ears. A hope of power that flows and pumps blood to my heart every time. The one time I feel a touch of happiness is when I create something.
While my suffering heart feels myself floating and dispersing into the sea of forgotten faces of capitalistic tendencies, I remember, my dreams is what brought me back to life after my soul left my body..and into an oblivion I went…drowning in fear and regret, I thought I was nothing, but my dreams made me feel something. While my body and soul unite again it’s because of my pencil and my pen.
I remember why my heart started to beat and the oxygen came back into my lungs.
I created something.
Thats what I do.
I’m a motivator for life.
Living is my motto.
I remember I was struck with insecurities about who I am, then I thought one more time…I create to give back the life of those whos bodies have left their souls.