Posted in Confessions, Creative Writing, Mental Health, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

The Love I Seek is Also Seeking Me

Is anyone else as exhausted as I am?

The more I reflect, the more I realize how much energy it’s taking to process the grief that’s these past three years has weighed on my body, my heart, and my spirit. And even though I push past every time, I’m still tired.

Is anyone else like me? Where navigating the World is overwhelming some days. Where I try my best, but still it’s hard not to compare my life to others. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live life as if I was another?

Where you asks the questions that don’t matter, but still blossom into ruminating thoughts. Like, will they accept me? Or, Can someone love me, too? Maybe, will I ever really feel free to be myself, 100% myself, without worrying that I’m too weird or different for the eyes that witness me? Perhaps it’s the sicknesses that plague my body that dictate my fate after all?

Who can love me, too? I ask myself as I wake up in an anxious puddle of sweat dripping down my burdened shoulders.

Maybe, just maybe it’s possible. The love. The acceptance. The bliss of freedom to be myself without fear.

I ask the universe to allow me that freedom.
Right now, I manifest that freedom. I am free from the drought of shame, grief, and guit. I am worthy of the love I seek because it seeks me too. I am ready to receive.

Posted in Confessions, Creative Writing, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Reflection, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

Healing Letters of Reflection: Unspoken Words

Healing Letters of Reflection
[Topics- Codependency and Anxious Attachment]

I understand now. I understand what I was meant to learn. How I was in pain too. But, I was trying to make you love me, even though you didn’t want to. I’m sorry. You were in pain like me. The cycles of run and chase. I saw something I knew I could love, so I latched onto that feeling. I was wrong though. Because, I was in pain and needed to manage and take care of my heart first. I needed to love myself more and I didn’t. I wanted to love you because I saw myself in you. Maybe loving you would help me love myself? No. That’s not how that works. Being alone was scary. It was a step into an oblivion of nothingness. What am I to do with all this pain I feel into an unknown future? Can I do it? Wow, do I even believe in myself? Who am I? What do I even want? It’s the ideas, the potential, the feeling. It’s the fear of changing into a person I don’t know.

…Well I’m that person now. The person I was scared to become because, who is she? She can see. She gets it. She understands. 

I understand now. That I was in pain. I was panicking. Trauma responses left and right. Trying to fix. Fixate. Control. Overexplain. Change someone else. I was the one who needed changing. But, that’s okay…because I understand now. So, thank you. You helped me to see, because everything was foggy back then. I hope everything is good with you. I hope you can understand, too. 

Activity

Write a letter to someone who helped you to grow.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Power

I Love You!

To my family, my childhood, high school, and college friends/advisors/counselors/teachers/mentors, to those who were in my life for a season or a conversation or two, for those I haven’t talked to in awhile and are due for a conversation or two.
To my followers, supporters, and readers of my blog and sparkly content, to my Mighty Family, and those at NAMI, to anyone whose crossed my path no matter the circumstance, I love you and I’m proud of you.
Not only have you helped me in my journey but you are also doing a great job. Remember that your best is enough. Allow yourself grace and compassion. Whatever it is on your mind, you got it! You can overcome any obstacle. You have me here rooting for you. Sending over positive energy and light. I love you. Keep that head up.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Tips

Mindfulness Tip: It’s Okay to Focus on “Being”

Without the hustle and bustle of an everyday routine of “work, ” it can become draining and confusing to figure out what purpose means. Because we’re used to linking who we are to what we “do” we often forget that we aren’t what we do, we simply…are. We exist and that, in itself, is purpose.

Awareness of the present “self” is appreciating all that “we are” in the absence of work. Who are we when we are not working or performing tasks? How can we bask in the simplicity of being?

Note: Focusing our attention on “doing” dictates our actions and goals to define success as accomplishments achieved only by something we can perform through our behaviors and actions. Therefore, when we are not actively “doing” much of anything we lose our sense of self and purpose. Shifting our focus to “being” allows us to appreciate existing when we are not/cannot “do” anything.

Acknowledging that we have worth and value, not because of “what” we do but because of “who” we are (already) helps us to understand our fundamental “being.”

Affirmation Challenge: When waking up every morning, begin by affirming and manifesting the words, “I am.” By understanding that “doing” doesn’t define purpose, we can view our expectations of ourselves with gentleness, approaching each day with gratitude and grace. Existing and living how best we can outweigh the constant assumption of having to do more to fill our sense of self.

Reminder: It’s okay if some days are difficult to even get out of bed. Those days are our “being” days. It’s okay to focus on being.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Quotes, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Are You Holding On To Something? Read This

Often times we stay stuck in the reality of our past. We dwell and ruminate on the what-ifs and maybes. We stand in what we can’t walk away from. But, that doesn’t have to be where we are forever. We can give ourselves permission to move forward. We can dissect and navigate our mistakes, regrets, and pain in order to clear the path of progress for ourselves. The more we become comfortable with our discomfort and adjust our eyes in the darkest parts of ourselves, we learn to forgive what we were and make room for who we can become.

Make room for yourself to walk forward. Clear a path so that you can forgive and lift the weight that’s been keeping you standing instead of moving forward. Manifest something different. Manifest clarity and grace. Manifest wellness and peace. You deserve to feel free. This is your time for freedom.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Quotes, Self-Care, Self-Talk

A Series of Quotes: Recycling Pain Through Our Behavior

Growth and Transformation Through Awareness: Pain and Toxic Traits

We all have a way in which we think and act based on our beliefs and ideas. Sometimes, however, our judgment and growth are clouded by the pain and trauma we often recycle through our toxic habits and behaviors.

The tricky thing about pain is how deeply rooted it is. We don’t see our behavior as toxic or hurtful until it’s too late and we’ve already hurt someone we might care for.

In order to identify those toxic cycles, we must grow in self-awareness. The more self-aware we become, the more we are able to catch ourselves and understand why we act the way we do. Although some behaviors may appear harmless, like numbing our feelings and trying not to cope with our pain, if repressed for too long, will eventually appear in our behavior.

Projection occurs when we place how we treat ourselves onto the people we love or want to love. Often unconsciously our own self-abandonment is how we begin to treat those around us.

The first step in feeling our pain is to accept that we’ve hurt someone and forgive ourselves. If we hold onto the pain and regret, it will stay with us and lead how we treat those who enter our lives.

Once aware, begin the process of identifying in what ways we can improve and begin to love ourselves in that process. Although we can’t undo another person’s pain, we can improve and heal through our own. We must learn who we are and the pain that guided our past self.

The growth that self-awareness brings can resurface memories and thoughts that created the original pain, but that process will birth a transformed perspective.

We learn through experiences and wanting to do better. Without the urge to do better, the pain will validate itself and remain how we see ourselves.

Important note: This process can be difficult to do on our own but I found therapy, self-help books, meditation, writing, reflective exercises, support groups, and mental health resources to be a great help in beginning this process.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

#IAM

If I were to tell you that the lists of things you’ve done, the relationships you have, or the job titles you’ve held don’t make you who you are, would you believe me?
If I were to tell you that you are whole just because, would you think I’m wrong?No matter what we do or who we think we have to become we are fundamentally valuable and worth living every single day. It doesn’t matter how much we get done, or how much we’ve been through, every day we wake up we hold the power of our value and worth and that never changes.”I am” despite of anything that follows that statement.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Quotes, Self-Care, Self-Talk

A Powerful Affirmation: Choosing Calmness

The choice to be calm is a talent. Even with all that goes on in my head, and the worry that sometimes consumes my thoughts, I CHOOSE to be gentle, mindful, and calm.

With each day, I allow myself to reflect, take what I need, let go of what I don’t, and move on with grace.

I will not panic.

I will not worry.

I will not stress.

I will map out my next steps and take one moment at a time.


Find it on The Mighty here.