This image is a #Repost from Facebook.
So this post appeared on my Facebook feed and allowed me to reflect on the previous conversations I’ve had with my therapist. Conversations centered around relationship-building, relationship maintenance, and relationship termination. Relationship in this sense is defined by any bond I make with who I’ve come to encounter.
Relationships (whether platonic or romantic) are complex and whether we choose to remain in such interactions with others is what we have control over. We have control over who we surround ourselves with.
Still, while in my current frustrations, I’ve realized my habit of “holding space” although torn between whether im valued or thus appreciated in such bonds. When do I draw a line between moving past and holding space? In what ways can I hold space while also ensuring my needs are met and I feel the relationship is benefiting both parties?
Holding space is a form of love and acceptance. And while this year, in particular, has shown me my own strength in my “space holding” capacities, I do value this part of me. I hold space because I love my friends, family (actual, internet, from school or in other instances) and I choose to make room for them. Make room in how I love and support those who’ve shown me vulnerable parts of them.
And yes. Making space isn’t easy as everyone is different and I can’t control others’ “space holding” capacities, only my own. To become frustrated and rash is how I’ve come to include my own needs and put myself in the equation too. Holding space doesn’t mean I won’t get frustrated, triggered, or annoyed. Neither does it mean I’ll abandon myself in pursuit of others’ needs, but I still will make space as well as hold space.
To the people that I love and cherish, there is always space for you. I love you and will always have space in my love for you. If we’ve fallen out or hurt one another in some ways I still have space and I’m rooting for you wherever you are. If we’ve just got to meet one another and getting to know the complexities of one another’s character, my space is here and isn’t going anywhere. And as I hold space for others, my only desire is that others will also hold a space for me.
Busyness is how some of us distract ourselves from our thoughts and trauma. With so much to do, there is often no time to stop, reflect, and build a relationship with ourselves. In times of isolation, however, it’s more difficult to combat and dismiss the impulse of intrusive thoughts. This may even be the first time some are alone with their thoughts and can’t immediately turn to “doing” to deflect negative patterns of thinking.
What do we do when experiencing an overwhelming spiral of intrusive thoughts?
- Acknowledge the thought. Ask yourself, Is this thought familiar?
- Identify the feelings the thought brings up. How am I feeling? Why am I feeling this?
- Turn to a productive perspective to address spiraling. Is this thought true or intrusive?
- Reassure yourself that you are doing the best you can and practice self-compassion. What is triggering this thought and what can I do to help myself reframe/dismiss this thought.
- Write down what you are thinking or feeling. How intense is what I’m experiencing?
- Ask for help or talk to someone you trust to get a different perspective.
Building a sense of self-awareness takes time and patience. There may even be parts of ourselves we may encounter for the first time and that’s okay. We are all multifaceted. Building a relationship with who we are is important.
This may be the first time we find ourselves actually reflecting, but that doesn’t mean we can’t grow and learn to love all parts of ourselves.
What is something you are working on in terms of feeling fulfilled?
One of the greatest feelings is knowing you are continuously working toward something. Whether professionally or personally, feeling and doing your best is important.
Now that we’ve reflected on struggles vs. things we’re good at that can help us cope, what do we want to work on? What are our next steps to getting to a place where we want to be mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.?
Working on finding worth and value in myself is my main goal for this year. Whether it’s being proud of myself or not taking it personally when things don’t work out the way I planned, I will still know that I have value and worth.
The more I see myself as worthy of success and peace, the easier it will be to realize my intrinsic value.
Affirmation: I am filled with value and worth. I accept and love myself.
Have you ever felt “weird” or uncomfortable around a person, situation, experience, or place? Has your body ever told you that something isn’t right but you didn’t know whether you were being paranoid, nervous, or anxious for no reason?
In most, if not all experiences you will evaluate what’s going both consciously and unconsciously. Your intuition is a sudden feeling or reaction that tells you something about what’s going on that’s not always conscious or logical. Once you become in tune with how to navigate your intuition, it will become easier to protect yourself and your boundaries.
Listen closely to what your body is telling you. Know when you are anxious, nervous, uneasy, or not feeling “right” and what that means. Take the time to strengthen that “gut feeling.” It will only get better the more you listen. Stop ignoring your body’s signals.
Learn through the moments you are uninspired and unmotivated. Rest. Allow yourself time to search for your genuine motivation and what really drives you to do what makes you excited. Don’t push yourself past what you can already do for yourself. Wait. Everything will come rushing back.
It’s persistent, consistent, and loyal, it comes to you when you least expect it, it comes to you in the middle of the night and stays to keep you company. It holds you while you cry and lingers around until you try to feel better. You argue with it, you convince yourself it’s not real, you push it away. It comes back when you thought it finally left. You miss it when you see that’s it’s gone because it was the only persistent feeling you’ve ever had. Can you be patient with it and not want it to come back? How can you get so used to how it feels that you can identify it so clearly? Its presence allows you to know you are still alive and you still can feel. Is it scary that if it goes away it could mean you healed or fell numb to its presence enough to internalize it? Do you accept it, push it away, hide it, or try to rid of it? Pain. Is the presence of pain good so you have patience with it or should you try to take it away? Does it go away by itself or do you do something about it?