How’s everyone’s day been? For me I’ve been struggling.
I didn’t realize how hard this pandemic has affected me until I started to reconnect with others. Having perceptions of safety and holding to my boundaries made sense when I built a safe place alone, but it becomes real when something “triggers your inner untapped wound”, and for me its my fear of abandonment. The thought that no matter what, everyone will leave eventually or no matter how hard I try no one can reciprocate the love I feel for them especially when I love them…a lot. I tend to run away in embarrassment because “I love someone who can’t love me too”.
This in my nervous system manifest as PTSD, anxiety, and a slab of persistent depressive disorder.
I talk a lot about reflection and healing, but that’s because I know how it feels to experience a mental health condition. Healing my nervous system has been my biggest challenge so far in my life. If you know what it’s like to have a mental health condition, know that I see you, I feel you, and I love you. This journey doesn’t make you weak because it isn’t for the weak.
Just the idea that I can be perceived as “mentally ill” has kept me from exploring new relationships, but I don’t want that for myself. I deserve to be loved by others. I can be loved by others. I will be loved by others. I’ve healed a lot over the past two and half years, but THIS WOUND? It really HURTS.
In this new season of my life, I know I have to work on this pain specifically and I know it’s going to HURT A LOT. Pushing myself to open up fully, be transparent, and unapologetically love without fear will break me to build me back up.
I know I will make mistakes and some people won’t understand me, but that’s OK. I still want to spread unconditional love and kindness to others.
Thank you for reading. Continue to journey with me ❤️.
If you’re like me and resonate with the experiences of a cycle breaker I want to extend love and light your way. It’s definitely not easy trying to change patterns you’ve been accustomed and conditioned to accepting since a young age. It’s also not easy feeling different and out of place in spaces where you expect to feel welcomed. I see you and I understand. We got this!
Let’s practice this affirmation together:
I am continuously healing generational and historical trauma. I prioritize my health and wellness and set a new example for future generations. I stand up for myself, do what’s best for me and check-in with myself daily. I am dedicated to my growth and will change the landscape of my conditioned thoughts, habits, and behaviors. I am in charge of my future and I craft my reality. I take on each challenge with grace and self-compassion and know how to set boundaries with myself and others. I live a fulfilling life and love all parts of who I am. I am ready to take on each day and continue to learn every step of the way. I attract love and peace because love and peace is all around me.
I overcome every challenge I’m faced with and learn the lessons necessary to help me move forward. I am proud of myself for doing my best every step of the way. Even on the toughest days, I’m stronger than I think. I am ready to continue forward doing what’s best for me.
Love does not only mend and improve the bonds we have with each other but also liberates the relationship we have with ourselves. Creating pathways and pockets of grace to face the challenges of our childhood trauma, survival habits, triggers, and attachment to expectations.
When we open the door to love ourselves unconditionally we create bridges to enter parts of ourselves we are used to hiding away. We welcome wholeness and alignment. We accept every part of who we are. Love becomes the language that guides our inner dialogue and helps us to understand our next steps.
As we love ourselves unconditionally and unapologetically, we can love others the same. We interact and speak with others just as we would ourselves. Let love in. Let love create the way.
Image quote above will be made into a sticker for my Etsy shop at the end of the month!
Notice patterns and habits that you pick up from parents, guardians, or family members. The awareness that your behavior resembles that of those who raised you can aid in understanding who you want to be. Some of those behaviors are toxic cycles being passed down through generations. Do you want to continue those cycles and behaviors? It’s okay to go on your own path and do something different. It’s okay to break cycles you no longer want to continue either with yourself or how you raise your own family. Change the course of your life. Break cycles that don’t serve you and your growth.
I honor my body by taking breaks and prioritizing self care. I am gentle with myself and allow myself to feel and process what is happening around me. My needs are valid and I reflect on each moment as I see fit. I am beautiful and I accept every part of myself. I understand that I can’t control all that happens around me, but I can control my approach. I am the crafter and the creator. I love my body and I choose to put myself first.
Healing is not a destination or fixed goal to achieve. This does not mean continuing to struggle, however. Instead, healing is the adaptation to the evolutionary process of self-awareness and self-acceptance. Healing is the constant effort, practice, and process of integration, balance, and shifting of consciousness to self, influencing the elevation of knowing and being.
To heal means getting to know yourself, understanding the depths and necessity of care and love for yourself despite the challenges that may arise. Of course “bad” days will come, but this does not regress the healing process. Healing equips you with tools and resources to have readily available when needed.
Examples of methods, resources, tools, and steps of continuous healing include:
Envestigating your needs and communicating them with others.
Understanding the value of boundaries.
Learning how to set boundaries.
Exploring limiting beliefs.
Delving into childhood trauma and how that trauma shapes triggers and trauma responses.
Reshaping and shifting perspectives to reflect on who you are and what you wants to work toward.
Defining who you are and understanding self-love.
Identifying the best methods to prioritize yourself.
Pin pointing your values.
Exploring the ideas around identity and beliefs.
Building healthy relationships with others.
Learning your communication styles, habits, and preferences.
Asking for help when necessary.
Continuing to learn more about yourself and the world around you.
Healing is about the journey. Once embarking on that journey you realize it is not linear and often changes based on what you learn on the way. Focusing on the journey allows for a profound understanding of self as the sole purpose in existence. You yourself are your own purpose. You are important and nothing can change that fact. Healing is the constant conscious effort of actualizing yourself in not only what you do, but also who you are. You are divine energy living a human experience. Prioritize healing. Learn the lessons that need to be learned, connect to yourself, love yourself and everything about you. What are the best ways to take care of yourself? What do you want to improve? What are your shadow traits? What are experience do you need to process? Are you feeling your feelings? Are you expressing yourself? All that makes you who you are is important in this journey of conscious and continous healing.
If you’re like me and currently on a journey of transformation in self-love and self-acceptance but struggle with negative self-talk and believing in change, here are four affirmations that are helping me shift my perspective on what it means to believe and accept peace, love, and abundance:
I am ready to receive all that I deserve.
I welcome my transformation in self-love and self-worth.
I am accepting of myself and all that makes me who I am.
There is free flowing love and peace present in my life.
Consistency is the agreement you make with what’s important to you. While consistency takes work, it also takes patience, persistence, and mindfulness. Without consistency, there is an imbalance of priorities and effort in what you invest your time doing. What are you consistent with? What are you not consistent with? What does your consistency tell you about your priorities?
Here are some questions to consider when you evaluate the relationship you have with consistency:
1. Are you putting effort, time, patience, and work into what’s important to you?
2. Are you keeping your word?
3. Are you making excuses?
4. Are you considering other people’s needs besides your own?
5. Is there mutuality and balance in your relationships?
6. Are you avoiding or distracting yourself from the things that hurt you?
7. Are those distractions hurting or helping your priorities?
8. Are you keeping up with your distractions or your healing?
9. What can you improve in your relationships, goals, and priorities moving forward?
“Although my fear of the unknown masked as “what if” questions continue to greet me early in the morning, I can find refuge in knowing I can go to my self-care tools to fight back and be more mindful about the thoughts I encourage.”