Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Other Publications, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Building and Maintaining Personal Boundaries

What is a Boundary?

A boundary is a limit or rule we set for ourselves to honor our inner and outer well-being. Whether that boundary is to protect ourselves, to reserve energy, resources and money, to stop ourselves from the urge to continuously give or “save” another, or simply to respect our personal goals and self-worth, it’s essential to build and maintain personal boundaries.  

Personal boundaries are what separate us from giving too much of ourselves to things, people, and situations that do not serve our growth and progress. While it may appear ideal to be able to do everything and anything without limits, we cannot and should not exhaust ourselves of our personal needs.  We are responsible for what we allow. Whether in relationships (familial or romantic), with friends, at work, or anywhere where we are interacting with others, practicing boundaries helps us to be in tune with ourselves and our values.      

Something to Remember: We are not perfect and cannot do everything or please everyone at the expense of our mental, physical, or emotional well-being. 

How can we, therefore, set boundaries that will help us prioritize our needs?  

Self-Awareness and Boundary Setting

Increasing self-awareness is an important step when building and maintaining personal boundaries. The more we know who we are and what we are okay with, the more we can establish and sustain boundaries that serve us best. Understanding the balance between too much, too little, and the right amount of energy and effort can push us in the right direction in creating healthy boundaries.      

Here are some questions you can ask yourself that will help you reflect and understand whether you need to set stricter boundaries:

  • How do I feel?
  • How would I rather feel?
  • Should I say no?
  • Do I have time to spare?
  • Does this make me feel uncomfortable?
  • Is this benefiting me? 
  • Am I overexerting myself?
  • Do I need to do this? 
  • Do I want to do this?
  • Can I do this?
  • Do I need time for myself? 
  • What is okay/not okay for me to do/say?
  • When do I speak up? 
  • Does something need to end? 
  • What can I change?
  • What do I have control over? 

Getting into the habit of asking questions is not only a good idea for self-awareness, but also for increasing confidence. Becoming reflective in understanding what we deserve and in what we will tolerate will also aid in a better understanding of self-worth. 

How Boundaries Help Strengthen our Mental Health

Boundaries allow us to build a stronger connection with ourselves. Understanding who we are will help us to become more centered and mindful of what is happening around us and to us.  Stern boundaries will also help us to prioritize self-care, become more direct and open as well as vocal about our needs, beliefs and values.  Being able to say no and express how we feel will give us the autonomy we need to improve our sense of self-worth.  We will feel more comfortable expressing ideas and thoughts without shame, embarrassment, or hesitation. 

Healthy boundaries can look like saying no when necessary, balancing self-care with work, cutting ties with toxic people and situations, speaking up without feeling like a burden, putting your needs before anyone else’s unapologetically, accepting that you cannot change or save anyone and not trying to, and giving yourself permission to feel and reflect without the opinion of others.  

Affirmations to help Maintain and Sustain Positive Personal Boundaries:

  1. I set standards for myself and will stick to them.
  2. I know who I am and what is good for me.
  3. I understand my personal boundaries.
  4. I honor myself and my boundaries.
  5. I have a right to my feelings.  
  6. I can firmly state my boundaries.
  7. I am confident in my ability to set boundaries with others.
  8. I will say no when necessary.
  9. I am safe.
  10. I am in control of my life.

Next Steps and Final Thoughts

As we move into a space of self-acceptance and self-awareness remember to honor your boundaries and give yourself permission to grow and reflect on your needs. Continuously grow in your boundaries in love and compassion for yourself.   


Posted in Bulletins, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Bulletin: Reclaim Your Power and Energy

You are in charge of your power and energy. Notice what you are investing your time in and ask if those investments are serving your needs.

If you find your needs not being met, reclaim peace of mind by honoring your needs and resetting your standards and boundaries.

You are in control of your power. Use your energy wisely. You are important.

From now on, we nourish and care for our needs too.

Posted in Defying Shadows Articles, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Other Publications, Potential and Worth, Self-Care

Defying Shadows Article: When to Take A Mental Health Day

“A mental health day is a personal day set aside to prioritize mental, emotional, and physical wellness. Whether that day is on a weekend or setting aside time during the week, a mental health day allows you to take a break from the strains of your daily responsibilities and work…”

Do you need a mental health day?

Check out the link below to see when a good time to take one.

Link: When to Take a Mental Health Day

Posted in Love, Making Sense Analysis, Notes, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Note 36 For the Highly Sensitive: Molding Love in the Wrong People

Sparkly is a space where I not only write to inspire and motivate, but it’s also a space where I make tangible the obstacles I face in hopes of finding balance and understanding. With that being said, I’ve been experiencing an inner battle with myself (and often see it in others who I care about).

Love in the Wrong People…

Finding love and acceptance is difficult in the 20 something ages. We often feel like we have to find love and begin the process of building bonds with anyone who comes our way and sparks even the simplest of interests. The issues in this process, however, especially those who are caring, sensitive, and good hearted is we let our guard down in hopes of making that interest work even if that person is not good for us.

As we fear being alone, rejected, neglected, abandoned, or even starting over, and in pursuits to “fix” the broken pieces of potential love, we often forget self-care, boundaries, and our worth. We convince ourselves that our “love” for that potential is what will somehow change and evolve the toxicity of the relationship that’s been built. We create this love with the small growth we see in something that we want so bad to work.

We care too much about the other and not enough about ourselves.

The Reality of it is

With even the most common of sense, or the conversations that we think will help the other understand us, not everyone has good intentions, not everyone is good for us, and not everyone can/wants to change. Some people see no issues in what they do.

Whether it’s built up trauma from childhood, their own defense mechanisms, or “just how they are,” we are not responsible for igniting growth or enduring pain and abuse from anyone. Just because we can see how much someone can grow does not mean we have to be the stepping stones to that growth, if that growth is even authentic.

Letting Go and Moving On…

While we ourselves are responsible for our own happiness, growth, and self-development, so are the ones that we take up that responsibility for. If they see that they are hurting someone and continue to hurt them, let them go. You are way too valuable. They need to grow on their own, without latching on to anyone to guide the way for them. Making them feel good or allowing their toxic behavior to persist without consequences will enable them to continue in their destructive nature.

In the slightest moment where you feel uncomfortable, or confused listen to your body signals to understanding what to do. Stop ignoring the signs of doing better for yourself.

I know we have so much love to give, and we want to be accepted in order to nurture another (as it may nutures us and our trauma/people pleasing tendencies) we have to find peace and acceptance within ourselves. We can attract those who are hurt and in your conflicting intentions and personalities create something unhealthy.

Posted in Bulletins, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Bulletin: Protect Your Energy

What is it To Protect Yourself

Whether you are highly sensitive, vulnerable to energies, have a high sense of intuition, or are big on healing/helping others it is especially important to be grounded in your independence, boundaries, and sense of self. While it’s easy to believe you have the ability to change or alter how someone thinks or approaches life, it is not true that you can help/fix everyone you come in contact with.

There are times where your kindness will be taken for weakness making you susceptible to getting hurt by someone who does not have your best interest at heart. In order to become clear of your stance in any relationship without being manipulated, make sure to set clear and solid boundaries (and stick to them), know and become comfortable with yourself (whether its what you like, dislike, or are uncomfortable with), and be smart about your comfort level. While we pride ourselves in being open books, sometimes it takes getting to know someone before exposing real information about ourselves. Being patient will play a huge role in this process.

How to Put Yourself First

Growth, self-improvement, peace, and patience can motivate you to protect yourself and your mental stability. You and your energy are important.

Practice self-care, self-awareness, compassion, empathy, and critical thinking in order to build a higher sense of self and safety. Take the time out to understand what is happening in a situation before immersing your entire self in it. Your body and intuition will tell you when something is not right. Listen to it. We might get excited about what something could be instead of what it actually is and before we know it we are not where we thought we would be.

Love yourself enough to take your time, talk things through, and say no when necessary. You are responsible for yourself and what you allow. What are your standards?

Next Steps and Questions

As you come in contact with new people ask yourself critical questions in order to get a firm footing in what you actually want out of that interaction. We may like to think of ourselves as void of wanting something specific, but we must ask ourselves what is our motive. We may be in difficult spots in our lives and before we take care of ourselves we take pride in taking care of others. We tend to look for things to fix instead of looking inward for healing.

Where are we in our lives? Do we need a break? How am I feeling? What do I want? How am I coming off to others? Am I practicing self-care?

Become self-aware in yourself and in turn you can protect yourself and your sensitivities.