I’ve spent most of this year grieving, feeling like I lost so much. Chasing after validation and the affection of other people’s presence. Wondering where I went wrong, why I felt so alone, and why I wasn’t worthy or couldn’t be worthy of the love I so desperately thought I needed.
Twelve months in and I finally understand why I was placed in a space where I couldn’t go anywhere but into myself. I’ve faced and battled with the uglier parts of me, one part being the thoughts of unworthiness largely due to how the little girl inside of me felt.
She thought that no one loved her and she wasn’t good enough just as she was. She thought that she had to change and shift into what others liked so she can finally be accepted and finally feel love, too.
But, I’ve sat with that little girl and told her that she’s more than worthy of all the love that’s out there WITHOUT having to change or hide one single thing about herself. She can enjoy organizing, and reading books, learning, trying new things, and comfort items… so many comfort items! She can be scared and feel all her feelings. She can be sensitive because that 100% OK. She can be creative and show love to others. She can be goofy and tell funny jokes. She can even make mistakes and feel uncomfortable, too. She can stand up for herself, work on her relationships and be loved while STILL BEING 100% herself.
I want that little girl to know that I love her. I know she still gets scared sometimes. I want her to trust me when I tell her that I got us and she doesn’t have to be scared anymore. That we are powerful and stepping into our season of deserving.
Affirmation and intention for 2023: I am a celebration. I am worthy of love and love flows to me effortlessly. I don’t chase, I attract. I am a magnet for abundance. I release any and everything that isn’t a part of my higher purpose. I am walking in my power.
So very excited to announce the NAMI-NYC Expressive Arts workshop event I will be hosting at the end of the month! This event will be via Zoom and on the NAMI-NYC website. You can find the link here. Click the Expressive Arts Zoom link for December 31st, 2022 on the day of the event.
If you have any questions or concerns feel free to send me an email. The time of the event is in Eastern Standard Time.
**I will share any updates or changes and keep everyone posted.
Here are some details for the event:
Title Smooth Transitions
Description “Smooth Transitions” is a creative, fun, and chill event where we will listen to music, relax, free draw or write, and end the event by setting 1 sentence intentions for the end of the year.
Materials Paper, writing utensils (pen, pencil, markers, or crayons).
Schedule 5:35 – 6:20: Main Activity 6:20 – 6:30 : Setting new year intentions and affirmation.
Let’s lift each other up today! Choose a light and follow the prompt that goes with it.
🕯️: What’s a helpful (and practical) piece of advice you’ve been given in the past?
💡: What helps you to stay grounded and continue moving forward?
This advice kind of answers both questions 🕯️💡. I remember my ninth grade English teacher telling me once that when reading a book, stop looking at how much you have left to read and just focus on the page you’re on. This stuck with me because it helps me check in on myself and focus/ground my energy on right now. It’s often easy for me to want to know what’s going to happen next, so only prioritizing on today calms my anxiety and allows me to let go of future expectations.
You can also find this prompt here in the Check In With Me group on The Mighty!
One of the many lessons I’ve learned — more so in the past month than any other time in my life — is how I feel when I make mistakes. From embarrassment to shame, anxiety, and even confusion; I found that it’s really rough for me. I’m learning though, that even in the midst of navigating my feelings following a mistake I’ve made, it’s OK to be kind to myself. I’m not a bad person for not knowing something, trying something new, and not succeeding in the ways I wanted, or even exhibiting a symptom of my mental health condition.
What are your thoughts on making mistakes? How do you navigate situations where it happens?
Reminder: It’s OK to make mistakes and move forward. You are not your mistakes!
You can also find this prompt here in The Pencil Case on The Mighty!
What are you proud of yourself for doing recently?
I struggle so much with being proud of myself 😩. I think for me it has a lot to do with my perfectionist tendency to believe I should already know certain things even when I haven’t experienced it yet… make it make sense 🤦🤔. But, in light of understanding this about myself, I wanted to spread some cheer today with sharing accomplishments.
What’s something you did recently, no matter how big or small, that you’re proud of yourself for?
For me, it was standing up for myself, speaking up, and putting my needs and what I wanted for myself first before making a decision.
You can also find this prompt here in The Pencil Case on The Mighty!
How’s everyone’s day been? For me I’ve been struggling.
I didn’t realize how hard this pandemic has affected me until I started to reconnect with others. Having perceptions of safety and holding to my boundaries made sense when I built a safe place alone, but it becomes real when something “triggers your inner untapped wound”, and for me its my fear of abandonment. The thought that no matter what, everyone will leave eventually or no matter how hard I try no one can reciprocate the love I feel for them especially when I love them…a lot. I tend to run away in embarrassment because “I love someone who can’t love me too”.
This in my nervous system manifest as PTSD, anxiety, and a slab of persistent depressive disorder.
I talk a lot about reflection and healing, but that’s because I know how it feels to experience a mental health condition. Healing my nervous system has been my biggest challenge so far in my life. If you know what it’s like to have a mental health condition, know that I see you, I feel you, and I love you. This journey doesn’t make you weak because it isn’t for the weak.
Just the idea that I can be perceived as “mentally ill” has kept me from exploring new relationships, but I don’t want that for myself. I deserve to be loved by others. I can be loved by others. I will be loved by others. I’ve healed a lot over the past two and half years, but THIS WOUND? It really HURTS.
In this new season of my life, I know I have to work on this pain specifically and I know it’s going to HURT A LOT. Pushing myself to open up fully, be transparent, and unapologetically love without fear will break me to build me back up.
I know I will make mistakes and some people won’t understand me, but that’s OK. I still want to spread unconditional love and kindness to others.
Thank you for reading. Continue to journey with me ❤️.
A major lesson I’ve learned this year is that I have the capacity to unconditionally love; myself and others. The pain that comes with realizing that others don’t always feel the same love for me has been really painful yet transformative, however. I realized that everyone’s on a different journey and have different experiences that don’t always include me, but that’s OK, I still want to continue to practice unconditional love even if that’s from a distance. Everyone deserves to be loved and receive love in return despite that discrepancy.
Affirmation: I am love. No matter how others feel about me, it’s still OK for me to love myself and spread love to others.
For those celebrating a holiday today or going to celebrate a holiday soon, stay safe and enjoy 💝.
I know it’s been a really rough couple of weeks and you feel alone, exhausted, burnt out, and the depression is feeling heavier than usual. I know your thoughts have been racing and you’re wondering if things will get better. I know you’ve been yearning for something you think is impossible to experience, but I want you to know that you’re doing the best you can and it’s OK not to feel OK right now. It’s OK to feel negative emotions sometimes. I want you to know that I’m proud of you. You’ve accomplished so much and you’re worthy of all the happiness and love in the world. You are not void of new experiences and opportunities and this is definitely not the end-all for you. You are so much more and have so much to offer this world. You are amazing, beautiful, and talented beyond measure. I love you so much. We’ll get through this together. You deserve to be celebrated.
You can also find this prompt https in The Pencil Case on The Mighty!
What is something you believed as a child that you learned was untrue as an adult?
I’ll go first!
For some reason when I was kid, I thought that my parents didn’t sleep and watched over me while I slept instead. I also thought that everyone had similar lives and were like me. Since I was highly sensitive I thought everyone got overstimulated sometimes and needed extra alone time. I soon found out these things were indeed NOT true when I got older 😅.
What about you? What misconceptions did you have growing up?
You can also find this prompt in the Chat Space group on The Mighty here.