Posted in Bulletins, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk

Bulletin: Reclaim Your Power and Energy

You are in charge of your power and energy. Notice what you are investing your time in and ask if those investments are serving your needs.

If you find your needs not being met, reclaim peace of mind by honoring your needs and resetting your standards and boundaries.

You are in control of your power. Use your energy wisely. You are important.

From now on, we nourish and care for our needs too.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Making Sense Analysis, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

Breaking From Trauma: Accepting Split Pockets of Peace

The Split Second

A week ago I sat at the edge of my bed and noticed a sensation I forgot I had the ability to feel. While coming to terms with the symptoms of my anxiety and basking in its reality for most of three years, I hadn’t felt a day that didn’t consist of nausea or worry. I haven’t felt nauseous for two weeks now. I recalled the sensations of calmness and suddenly didn’t understand what to think. Feeling okay felt strange and alien.

Being in a constant state of panic, worry, or fear became how I lived for years leaving calmness and peace strangers in a barren abyss. No thoughts resided in my head, my body felt rejuvenated from a full nights rest, and an overwhelming desire to get some work done filled me with energy. This is what it feels like to be okay, to be ready to take on the day. I didn’t think I could feel like this again.

Recollections

Although this year continuously has torn me to pieces, I didn’t realize the amount of effort I put into dragging myself out of countless depressive moments. Whether it was getting out of bed, not sleeping in, giving myself a bedtime and writing/career goals, eating more fruits and less bread and sugar, or even choosing to separate myself from thinking about situations I cannot control I became unconsciously active in my desire to feel better. Physical aches and pains have plagued this years list of what nows, but learning to not overthink is my new habit of choice.

Despite finding myself in really low moments and contrary to what I expected to become of me by this point, I recall several split moments of peace like the one mentioned above. Pockets of rainbows I would call them.

Accepting and Welcoming Peace

Confused by how I could possibly see or feel pockets of peace in arguably the worst year yet, it’s only fair to give myself some credit. Fear of leaving my trauma behind brought up some old feelings following the pockets of peace, allowing me to realize the comfort I sat in when it came to my anxiety and depression.

I’m used to feeling anxious and depressed. I don’t know what it is to not feel constantly overwhelmed with everything. Living and existing in a state of uneasy chaos is how I know to survive. I learned to live like this, who am I without it?

Witnessing and realizing that I’m able to feel better has caused both panic and peace disrupting the old state of chaotic homeostasis (if that makes any sense). I found myself having nightmares almost every night filled with both obvious and hidden messages. I’ve also recently become aware of my shadow and toxic characteristics, making me aware and awake when it comes to how I interact with others.

Now, because of all that’s happened, I’m able to gain control and pull myself to a more stabilized consciousness quicker than before. Both bizarre and contradicting as it seems, I’ve always thrived in a state of turmoil, it would only make sense for the key to my healing to lie in my darkest moments.

What Now?

Aware that I’m in another phase of transformation like in my college years, I’m open and accepting of something new to come. Despite the on and off nature of these pockets of peace, I know I’m able to gain control of my mental wellness more than believed before.

I’m both scared and excited to continue to take on the beast that is overcoming my trauma and will not give up knowing I can and will.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

Dear Nina, Let It Go

Dear Nina,
You’ve been rejected.
You’ve been betrayed.
You’ve been replaced without notice.
You’ve been looked at as second best.
You’ve been abandoned.
You’ve been left behind.
You feel like you will never be a priority.
You feel like no one will love you.
You’ve never been anyone’s favorite.
You’ve been called weak and pushed to the sidelines.
You’ve been underestimated.
You weren’t taken seriously.
You’ve gotten blank stares.
You’ve tried to be perfect.
You’ve tried to make yourself favorable.
You’ve felt less-than.
You’ve felt unattractive and ugly.

But I’m here to rewrite the script for you.

No matter how you’ve shaped your self-worth or what thoughts you thought you got over but in dark times resurfaced, its time to let it go. You are all the things you’ve convinced yourself that you are not. You are beyond worthy of life, love, acceptance, peace and compassion.

Retake your life from the thoughts that hold you hostage. It doesn’t matter anymore. Live in today. Live in right now. Whatever pain you’ve gone through has made you into the beautiful, empathetic, caring, ruthless, ambitious, untouchable, unstoppable creation that is you. You are a progressed product of what has happened and all of that is now over. You lived in the pain and now you’ve learned. Stop picking at the wounds that are healing. Don’t make your wombs bleed again. Sometimes it feels like the same things are happening again, but guess what? Now it’s time to use what you’ve learned. Don’t fall back into the cycles that amplified your depressive or anxious thoughts. You have the power. You have all the power. I will keep telling you until you believe it for yourself.

Sincerely,
SparklyWarTanks
Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Potential and Worth, Power, Quotes, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

Purposeful Pain

Some morning are particularly hard, but this morning made it to top 5. I had to write myself out of a potential downward spiral into depression. I forced myself to see my self-worth and value even in the midst of heartache and self-doubt. A love letter of sorts to keep going even when feeling emotionally weak.

The face that I look at every morning is powerful and deserves peace of mind and joy amongst other things, but most important she deserves to know that her life is worth something.

As long as her heart beats, purpose flows through every vein all the time. Standing is hard, but I can’t stay down for too long.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Mental Health, Potential and Worth, Power, Quotes, Self-Care, Self-Talk, Tips

Start With Yourself

In this context of healing, you are progressing, letting go, moving on, and allowing yourself rest from constant mental turmoil. What does that look like for you? What do you need to come to terms with to allow the healing process to surface and take its course?

Say whatever is bothering your peace of mind out loud. Speak in order to establish the pain. Do not remain in denial or give excuses. What is it that bothers you the most?

When you put together the pain you feel into words affirm and declare something different. Speak in terms of what, why, and how in order to establish contact with the pain and negative thoughts.

What now? What do you need in order to let go? How will you take a step forward from that point of pain?

Start with yourself. Turn pain into peace. Establish peace in pain.

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Potential and Worth, Power, Reflection, Self-Care, Self-Talk

I can Feel Something Big Coming

I’ve never felt so proud of myself ever before.

The excitement to create or make something and call it mine.

To give myself credit is to create power in myself.

I feel my purpose in this. This is my healing and my strength.

My self-worth is my motivation. And as I become more and more engulfed in my self-journey, I can feel joy like no other.

A joy that is great and more overwhelming then I could imagine.

This. Is. Me.

The way I can imagine something and give it life. The way I can create using words. A story made into art.

This is sparklywartanks.

Sparklywartanks is the birth of my identity. The creation of the lion in my dream.

I will work until I build what my vision has crafted.

The hardest part of my life gave birth to my purpose so I thank the struggle for making the diamond.

My motivation has never been this intense.

It’s time to create something. Something that reflects what I see in my mind because it’s beautiful.

It’s peace…

And happiness.

Posted in Declarations, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Potential and Worth, Power, Self-Care, Self-Talk

#Writeitdown Declarations to Live by and Internalize: Peace and Positivity

I will be positive and kind to myself.

I will lift myself up.

I will be my biggest fan.

I will learn from my mistakes.

I will be better.

How I see myself, how I speak to myself, how I progress will be positive.

I will be stronger.

I will be powerful.

I will stay calm.

I will become more and more of myself.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Notes, Potential and Worth, Self-Talk

SWT 100 Notes: Note 6

 

 

There are mornings when its easy to wake up, but then there are mornings when waking up is the most difficult struggle ever imagined. A change of mind and heart can help with this struggle. Allow yourself to be grateful and talk positively to yourself and about yourself. Change your own mind, strengthen yourself, and let love in when you wake up everyday. Don’t be consumed by the thoughts of a new day. Move slowly and clear your mind as you open your energy up for a new opportunity to change your life and someone else’s.