I am only one. I am important and I will put myself as a priority. This is a proclamation in case I forget to put my health and happiness first.
Category: Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration
SparklyWarTanks on The Mighty: Why my Dog is my Weapon Against my Anxiety and Depression
Read the second story I wrote on The Mighty called Why my Dog is my Weapon Against my Anxiety and Depression. I dedicated the story to my dog Baby who has helped me tremendously through the rough times I had with my anxiety and depression following graduation last year in 2016. She has lifted me up, along with my other dogs, and has given me a reason to smile, try my best to stay positive, and wake up every morning grateful.
Feel free to always visit me on The Mighty!
A Spark of Encouragement
It’s been a difficult few weeks and I find myself getting more and more discouraged so this letter is to me from me with love, affection, power, and strength.
Dear Nina,
Hey girl! I see you struggling and I know you’re starting to doubt yourself again. I see you starting to not believe in how much you worked and how much you sacrificed to be in the place you’re in now. I see that you’re starting to feel like you aren’t good enough and that you wasted your time in the classroom. I see that you feel invisible and unattractive. I see that you feel trapped, unskilled, and untalented. I see that you feel ashamed that you struggle mentally and you often wonder how it would feel to be “normal” and unafraid of the strains of every day. I see that it takes so much work just to be happy that a new day has come because you feel like you should be successful with opportunity, strength, and power.
But I also see that you gained more strength I’ve ever seen you have before. That you try your hardest and prove to yourself every day that it’s possible to, despite the struggle, regain consciousness of the reality of hope and positivity. And even though things have been difficult, you still seem to always persevere, you seem to always push through. Every obstacle that has come in your way since you were young has never devoured you. When you were grappling with your mental health in high school and college, you always made it past the panic and the tears. You always showed up and showed out even when you didn’t want to. When you didn’t have motivation, when you didn’t want to go to the counseling center or psych services you did. When they took away your financial aid and you almost didn’t go to college things turned around. When you were called weak and told you were unable to reach the standards of your major in high school, you showed that you were, you were tossed from one choir to another, but you still showed that you were good enough. When you were on conditional in a program you wanted to be in so bad, you made that conditional a permanent. And all the times you were outcasted and alone, when you were by yourself you always sparkled with power, self-control, and self-respect. This is not even half of the things you struggle with, but its shows a lot about how much you’ve overcome.
You are beautiful, worthy, and strong. Only strength can endure all that you have gone through and still have the courage to want to tell other people that they can do anything despite the world telling them that they can’t because of their gender, beliefs, sexuality, or any other identity marker that makes them who they are. You are okay and you will continue to be okay. Just take deep breaths and raise your head. Your life is not for no reason. You have a reason to keep trying to do your best.
From the one that loves you the most,
Yourself
So, even though it may seem blurry right now and you don’t want to be positive, try to be kind to yourself. Always be kind to yourself. Turn the negative self-talk phrases into encouraging ones. Make your perception light, even if your circumstance is dark and smudged. Even when you have all the reasons to be hopeless, let hope blossom instead.
Bulletin Board March 2017: Purpose
Purpose

Who you are combined with your identity, how you see yourself, and your point of view is whats going to reveal your purpose. Your purpose will not appear to you out of nowhere, it’s going to accumulate and build up based on your life experiences, your struggles, your flaws, your strengths, and the battles you have won. Your purpose is yours and only yours because only you have perceptions based on the life you live. You are the most important part of the equation and you are unique to your own purpose. Labor on yourself and keep moving even when you don’t want to. While you work on yourself, you are also working on your purpose. Your glory story is revealed in the process of self-realizing your purpose.
Keep laboring on your struggles and triumph. Keep trying even when you’re tired. Keep working even when your hands get callused. Keep standing even when you get pushed to the ground.
All of this is what your glory story will be. Your glory story makes you a hero. You save yourself everyday and while you save yourself, you save the lives of the on looker and the people you encounter all the time.
Write your glory story, labor on your purpose.
Not a Failure, You are not a Failure
Its been a long night, a night filled with silent and quiet panic attacks, ones that have been revealing and direct. And as I lay in my bed, glancing at Jane the Virgin, but mostly visualizing my future in my head, I finally targeted the core trigger of the anxiety that’s been crippling my sleep. The trigger is fear of failure. Deep, paralyzing, you are nobody, and no one will ever notice you failure. Seeing so many glory stories and positive things happening to people around me…nothing is happening for me. This has been what makes me nervous, nauseous and scared.
But maybe it really is all in my head and I just keep falling back on my perfectionist mindset that I should be someone by now that is feeding this trigger?
I’m not a failure…I’m not a failure…
Wild and Untamed: SparklyWarTanks Images
Drown
Submerge and fall
Into the dark space where you are alone with yourself
Sink
Drown in the depth of yourself and stay there
Die to normality and resurrect into individuality
Let yourself be enveloped in the seas of your creative mind
Create what only your mind can sprout
Mold and plant
Let the seas around you overwhelm your creative
Make something
Fall deep in the darkest place in the bottom of the sea
Let yourself hit the sea floor
Let your body and mind save you
Swim up to the shore
Walk
From the bottom of the sea you are born once again
But something in you has died
The chains
The ones that held your creative captive
You left them at the bottom of the sea
Thats the part of you that stayed submerged
Now
You drowned, but you still breathe
You breathe by yourself
The image has been created
Fall
Submerge
Drown
Die to normality and resurrect into individuality
Buried in Purpose
The Girl in the Shadow Poster: Rise and be Dangerous
Self-Realization
I was scared of my deepened sadness and pessimism
I was scared when I started to panic
I was scared when my shadow was resurrecting itself from the depths of my regression
The ways I wanted to perfect myself in the mirror or I would hate how I looked
The ways I didn’t believe anymore
The way I felt what everyone else was feeling
The anger I felt when they said I couldn’t
The tendencies
The habits
I locked myself in my room
I closed my door
I stood by myself
Myself was coming out
I wanted to lock her back in my psyche
I realized that who she is who I am
I wanted to swallow her in myself
Again
It’s better not to cope in that way…
Cope with regression
Instead of coping with progression
I learned that she is me
The me who was a step ahead of who I was
I read the note she wrote me when she came out
I am dangerous
I am who you are
The girl who is unafraid
Unafraid of the unknown ahead
Because you don’t know who I am
But I know who you are
And it’s time for that girl to wake up a woman
A woman who is unapologetically in control of herself
And nothing will make her afraid of every part of herself that she once hid away from reality
She is you and you can’t hide her anymore
I am here and I am you
Digest the words…
Control
Power
Peace
Perseverance
and beginning
This is a beginning







