I am strong and an individual. I will not allow my mental illness to be who I am. I will build myself based on my identity and who I build myself to be.
Category: Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration
BayArt Article: When My Depression Silences Me
The Cycle of Depressive Silence
It’s been some time since I’ve seen symptoms of my depression. Recently, however, I couldn’t help but notice the old cycles of those symptoms reoccurring and reappearing. I’m sleeping for longer hours, isolating myself, feeling a great sense of irritation and hopelessness and lastly losing my sense of communication.
Since I was young, maybe in my middle school to early high school days, I would go days without speaking to anyone. In those moments I would feel mentally and physically numb. Life would feel like a distant distraction. I didn’t know how to tell others I was struggling, so I stood silent. As I walked around like a lifeless zombie, I was unable to express myself in ways that I usually could. I was silent and unable to speak. Those moments of silence my brain convinced me that I was exaggerating and should suffer in silence. I locked myself up and silently cry.
In other moments, ones that are relatively recent to the past two months, I would even be around people that I love and still have a depressive episode while out in public. Those moments are filled with tears and a closed mouth, onlooking eyes, and judgmental stares of confusion. One thought, one memory, one sense of loneliness can lead to an explosive moment of overwhelming grief. And all I can think about is why. My logical mind is criticizing my reaction while my depression is flooding my mind with thoughts, ideas, and scenarios that are unreasonable and silly. I’m now unable to communicate so instead I push the ones around me away in embarrassment while I run away silenced by my own mental turmoil. What’s wrong with me?
Ending the Silence of Depression
While this phenomenon of silence is not new, I’m doing a better job at noticing the culmination of ideas and thoughts that might lead up to it. In hopes to overcome this reaction, I will communicate more with those that listen to my silent cries and hints. I will talk, ask for help, demand better for myself, and not allow myself to be silenced by my own depressive tendencies.
Depression has a sneaky way of convincing you that your life does not matter and in order to fight those moments of hopelessness, you must have a greater mental toughness to push past those thoughts. Some thoughts might be subtle and sudden, others might linger, but you must always convince yourself that you are a life worth living and listening to. Do not silence yourself in hopes to spare someone else’s irritation or lack of care. There are people who care for you and your well being. Find those people and know who they are.
While I continue to learn through my depression in hopes of overcoming it, I send out good vibes and hope to those who suffer in silence. Don’t silence yourself anymore. Your voice is essential and your life even more so. Fight for your right to be heard through your struggle. Fight for your life because you belong here
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When My Depression Silences Me
SWT 100 Notes: Note 26 You are Beautiful
You are beautiful. That’s it. No comments on weight, diet, or body figure.
#Writeitdown Declarations to Live by and Internalize: Utilizing your Voice
It’s important to have your voice and use it. Do not silence your struggle or progress. Create in yourself confidence that allows your voice to become louder. Build your identity to become who you are.
Late Night Talks With Nina: Don’t Silence Yourself
A brief message that you matter, your voice matters, your life matters, it’s okay to take a break, and you are a life worth living.
Stay healthy. Take care of yourself.
I am a Woman
Being a woman doesn’t make her weak or fragile and it doesn’t make her incapable of any task.
Being a woman makes her capable of whatever her body, mind, and soul allows.
Being a woman is strength. Womanhood is a warrior.
Her body is a castle, a temple, and a mansion. It has a strong foundation and can hold a strong firm family, business, or perspective in its walls.
She is also an individual with power racing through her veins.
She is a Woman who can make decisions and hold an intellectual conversation.
She is a Woman whose burdens may appear too heavy but whose shoulders grow stronger with a sound mind and kind heart.
She is a Woman who will keep going even when odds are in every direction.
She is a Woman whos beauty has transformed her into a masterpiece with her efforts alone.
She is a Woman without any validation. She is a Woman without any apologies.
She is a Woman and she will create peace in herself.
She has power to do what she likes when she likes and how she likes.
She does not owe anyone an explanation. Her words are powerful by themselves.
She is a Woman.
I am a Woman.
March Bulletins: Set Yourself Free
Know when various factors are holding you hostage and know you can set yourself free. Understand your worth and fight for your mental peace. Don’t be afraid of change or struggling. Understand your circumstances and what you have to face. You can know peace and learn calmness. Set yourself free. You deserve to be free.
#Writeitdown Declarations to Live by and Internalize: Create to Heal
Creativity is power. Productivity will help you to keep busy and continue to thrive. Create something. Do what you love. Use your imagination. As I use my creativity to help me cope with my struggle, I encourage you to also create. Make something beautiful.
#Writeitdown Declarations to Live by and Internalize: Eliminate Toxicity
The process of healing involves actively pursuing positivity, calmness, and peace. Remove yourself from situations, people, and places that are not healthy for your healing. Eliminate whatever is not helping you to take care of your wellness. Whatever or whoever is not helping you move forward is pushing you back or keeping you hostage. Set your peace free.
February’s Bulletins: Thinking, Responding, and Gaining Knowledge
Last month’s bulletin topics were focused on thinking, effective ways of responding, and gaining knowlege while interacting with others. As we move toward a more respectful and effective way of communicating with others we first must listen to what others have to say, don’t just hear to respond, but listen to understand. Contribute to the conversation and effectively come to a consensus. If we are to be more peaceful, logical, and respectful contributors to society we must push to gain perspective and knowledge.
Learn to listen.
Learn to stay quiet.
Learn to understand.
Make connections.
Feel empathy.
Respect people who do not share the same experiences as you.
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