I remember when I was a teenager I struggled a lot with my self-esteem and self-worth. I later realized because of this my perception of love was impacted; I struggled so much especially with self-love. I remember always wanting to be in a relationship and being in the “fairy tale” type of love story. I thought that I would only be satisfied with the idea of love if I was in a romantic relationship with my “soulmate.” Valentines day hit me hard every year because, to me, it was a reminder of my failures in love.
It took me up until now, as an adult, to slowly learn to love myself fully and unconditionally. I would tell my teenage self that love is all around me — from how I speak to myself, to the ones I surround myself with; from my creativity to my advocacy work; from how I interact with others to being in nature and expressing gratitude for what I have. Love is everywhere, I just have to open myself up to feel it.
Warm and Friendly Reminder: Love is vast and can show up in many different ways including in friendships, family (biological or otherwise), romanic relationships, in work/hobbies, in nature, and in self-love. Love is never too far away.
Affirmations you can practice for self-love:
“I am worthy of acceptance and love.”
“I love myself.”
“Love is all around me.”
What about you? What would you tell your teenage self about love?
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You deserve the best love, support, relationships, friendships, and experiences. You deserve abundance, wealth, and opportunities. You deserve to treat yourself with kindness and love. You deserve growth. You deserve peace. You deserve to find communities that understand you. You deserve to be accepted. Your voice deserves to be heard.
Love does not only mend and improve the bonds we have with each other but also liberates the relationship we have with ourselves. Creating pathways and pockets of grace to face the challenges of our childhood trauma, survival habits, triggers, and attachment to expectations.
When we open the door to love ourselves unconditionally we create bridges to enter parts of ourselves we are used to hiding away. We welcome wholeness and alignment. We accept every part of who we are. Love becomes the language that guides our inner dialogue and helps us to understand our next steps.
As we love ourselves unconditionally and unapologetically, we can love others the same. We interact and speak with others just as we would ourselves. Let love in. Let love create the way.
Image quote above will be made into a sticker for my Etsy shop at the end of the month!
Healing Letters of Reflection: [Topics- Codependency and Anxious Attachment]
I understand now. I understand what I was meant to learn. How I was in pain too. But, I was trying to make you love me, even though you didn’t want to. I’m sorry. You were in pain like me. The cycles of run and chase. I saw something I knew I could love, so I latched onto that feeling. I was wrong though. Because, I was in pain and needed to manage and take care of my heart first. I needed to love myself more and I didn’t. I wanted to love you because I saw myself in you. Maybe loving you would help me love myself? No. That’s not how that works. Being alone was scary. It was a step into an oblivion of nothingness. What am I to do with all this pain I feel into an unknown future? Can I do it? Wow, do I even believe in myself? Who am I? What do I even want? It’s the ideas, the potential, the feeling. It’s the fear of changing into a person I don’t know.
…Well I’m that person now. The person I was scared to become because, who is she? She can see. She gets it. She understands.
I understand now. That I was in pain. I was panicking. Trauma responses left and right. Trying to fix. Fixate. Control. Overexplain. Change someone else. I was the one who needed changing. But, that’s okay…because I understand now. So, thank you. You helped me to see, because everything was foggy back then. I hope everything is good with you. I hope you can understand, too.
Healing is not a destination or fixed goal to achieve. This does not mean continuing to struggle, however. Instead, healing is the adaptation to the evolutionary process of self-awareness and self-acceptance. Healing is the constant effort, practice, and process of integration, balance, and shifting of consciousness to self, influencing the elevation of knowing and being.
To heal means getting to know yourself, understanding the depths and necessity of care and love for yourself despite the challenges that may arise. Of course “bad” days will come, but this does not regress the healing process. Healing equips you with tools and resources to have readily available when needed.
Examples of methods, resources, tools, and steps of continuous healing include:
Envestigating your needs and communicating them with others.
Understanding the value of boundaries.
Learning how to set boundaries.
Exploring limiting beliefs.
Delving into childhood trauma and how that trauma shapes triggers and trauma responses.
Reshaping and shifting perspectives to reflect on who you are and what you wants to work toward.
Defining who you are and understanding self-love.
Identifying the best methods to prioritize yourself.
Pin pointing your values.
Exploring the ideas around identity and beliefs.
Building healthy relationships with others.
Learning your communication styles, habits, and preferences.
Asking for help when necessary.
Continuing to learn more about yourself and the world around you.
Healing is about the journey. Once embarking on that journey you realize it is not linear and often changes based on what you learn on the way. Focusing on the journey allows for a profound understanding of self as the sole purpose in existence. You yourself are your own purpose. You are important and nothing can change that fact. Healing is the constant conscious effort of actualizing yourself in not only what you do, but also who you are. You are divine energy living a human experience. Prioritize healing. Learn the lessons that need to be learned, connect to yourself, love yourself and everything about you. What are the best ways to take care of yourself? What do you want to improve? What are your shadow traits? What are experience do you need to process? Are you feeling your feelings? Are you expressing yourself? All that makes you who you are is important in this journey of conscious and continous healing.
Ever had a conversation with your higher self, realizing that in those moments the words you speak are also the words you would say to the people you love the most.
Growing in self-love is learning to treat yourself like you would treat someone you love and would want them to be kind to themselves. Encouraging them to keep going and to be strong because you see that in them. As much as you see the strength in them is also the strength that is present in you.
Treat yourself with kindness today. Allow yourself grace through the toughest moment. Remember that emotions don’t make you weak, especially the ones that weigh heavy on your heart.
You are worthy of love and acceptance. No one can take away your strength. No one can strip you of your worth.
Bask in the discomfort of change. Challenge old habits and behaviors that keep you in karmic cycles, reliving the same scenario with different people, places, and circumstances. What do you need to learn? How can you claim what you know is yours? The more you learn the better you will understand your power. You are in control of your life.