It’s persistent, consistent, and loyal, it comes to you when you least expect it, it comes to you in the middle of the night and stays to keep you company. It holds you while you cry and lingers around until you try to feel better. You argue with it, you convince yourself it’s not real, you push it away. It comes back when you thought it finally left. You miss it when you see that’s it’s gone because it was the only persistent feeling you’ve ever had. Can you be patient with it and not want it to come back? How can you get so used to how it feels that you can identify it so clearly? Its presence allows you to know you are still alive and you still can feel. Is it scary that if it goes away it could mean you healed or fell numb to its presence enough to internalize it? Do you accept it, push it away, hide it, or try to rid of it? Pain. Is the presence of pain good so you have patience with it or should you try to take it away? Does it go away by itself or do you do something about it?
Category: Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration
War Zone Quote: Remove Toxicity from your Interactions
Sometimes you can see someone’s intentions or motives from one conversation—perhaps in the way they talk to you, the way they phrase their sentences and how much effort they put in having the conversation—or in the way they look at you and how much of themselves they choose to put into their comments, criticisms, and advice. What’s scary, especially with strangers and even people you’ve known for a long time, is the malice that’s behind the words of those people.  One phrase can make you feel worthless, some criticisms offend who you are and what you like to do, and suggestions turn into demands to change who you are to fit who they want you to be.  Whatever the circumstance, whatever the situation know how to identify genuineness and when someone has an agenda.  You deserve to have genuine friendships or any type of relationships.  You deserve to be able to freely make connections with people without the fear of ill intention or harm to your mental health.  Don’t stick around if you see this type of verbal and emotional abuse.  Leave, just leave.  You are worth more than that. You are in control of those situations and interactions.
War Zone Quote: Remove Toxicity from your Interactions
There is no such thing as Being Somewhere More than Where you are…
“They are nowhere where they need to be”
I often hear this phrase spoken about people’s circumstances and situation and it bothers me.  It bothers me that people put time limits on where someone should be.  Assuming they should be somewhere farther or ahead, as if they are moving slow in
their own life. Â What’s interesting to me is that this is a common phrase especially when someone is financially unstable, going through mental hardships, or just having a lazy period. Â It’s not up to anyone else to decide where someone should be in their own life. Â Even if they are being lazy and should or “need to get themselves together,” it’s up to the person to decide. Â Other unknown things can be going on with that person, but again it’s not up to anyone else to decide.
Progress is determined by continuous change and reflection along with keeping those changes and reflections to your next phases and accomplishments.  The smallest things can be progress, therefore you can determine your own progress.  In this specific point in your life you are where you need to be, but its up to you to continue everyday finding yourself, and that conscious choice will help you find your worth and potential.  The realization and acceptance of acknowledging that you are where you need to be right now will only make you more comfortable with where you are.
Just keep moving, you will get where you need to be.
There is no such thing as Being Somewhere More than Where you are…
I See You
I see you
When you cry yourself to sleep because you don’t feel you’re good enough
When you see those around you getting rewarded, but you aren’t
When you’re up all night working, but no one notices
When you do something great, but no one sees
When you were there for everyone, but no one is there for you
When your family eats at night and the house is clean
When everything runs smoothly and as planned
When you feel hopeless and useless because you don’t see what a gem you are
I see you, you’re not invisible
To the unnoticed
To the kindhearted
To the silent blessings
To the hard workers
I see you and thank you
You are appreciated
I See you
Enough
Enough.
One word that has the power to halt the existence of things that don’t need to exist. Â Things that hurt, things that bother, things that harm, and things that blind. Â Things that need to be extinct. Extinct in the ways that make you hate.
Enough of the drowning, and enough of the hopelessness. Â Enough of the self-harm and the self-hate. Â Enough of the vices, and the things that you surround yourself with that aren’t helping. Â Enough of the pain. Â The pain that is so comfortable, making itself at home. Â Ingrained in the way you think and interact. Enough. Â Enough of the toxicity in your life. Â The people. Â The places. Â The ideas. Â Let go of those things that are killing you from the inside.
You don’t need a new year to start or an occasion to do something different. Â You don’t need someone to tell you to stop.
Enough.
Enough of postponing yourself for the betterment and comfort of someone else.
Today, right now. Â Make something change. Â The way you see yourself, the way you handle situations that are not productive.
In one moment you can say enough and in that moment you’ve set yourself loose. Â You’re starting again from the point where pain started taking over.
Enough.
You did it.
Freedom Quote: You are More
You are everything that is great and growing. Â Don’t underestimate your growth and progress. You are in the right rhythm of your own experiences and what you need to grow through.
Stop worrying and doubting your own life.
I Love Myself for the First Time in My Life
I’m beautiful because even though I might not believe I can at first I still try, even though I struggle to see that I’m beautiful I encourage others to believe they are, and even though I sometimes don’t think I’m good enough I push through anyway.
I love me because I’m persistent, I continue, and I’m learning. Â I love me because although things have been difficult, I still have a vision and I still want to pursue it.
It wasn’t until a year after I did this project, a project where I walked around and asked various women why they loved themselves and found themselves beautiful, that I realized I do love myself and find myself beautiful. Before, I didn’t know why I thought I was beautiful or if I had any reason to love myself.  I was only concerned about the women I asked.  I wanted them to realize for that split second, the few minutes that we shared, to think, and to write down why they were beautiful.  I was focused on them and not on me.  I didn’t think I mattered.  How I thought about myself didn’t matter. I don’t think I found myself beautiful at all previous this realization.
This poster is what I looked at every day in my room at school for the last semester of my senior year.  It motivated me to figure out why I would love myself or find myself beautiful.  However, I found it difficult to pinpoint the reasons.
After I graduated I brought the poster home and placed in on my sister’s side of our room, parallel to my bed where I could face it and see it every day.
Fast forward to last weekend where I found the Dr.Pepper Tuition Giveaway Competiton. Â Unlike me, I joined the competition and the first step was to write a goal I have to save the world and explain it. Â Of course, it took me some time to think about exactly what I wanted to say, but here is what I said:
It took a day after when I was trying to accumulate votes to be able to upload a video, that I realized then that I wanted to expand SparklyWarTanks into an actual thing. Â Dr. Pepper helped me to see why I’m beautiful. Â It helped me to realized what I wanted to do with my life. Â How I want to impact the lives of others and why this is so important to me. I want to change how women see themselves and communicate their perspective and understanding to others through their culture, ideologies, and values.
I don’t want other women to feel like me. Â Where the first 21 years of my life I didn’t love myself or find myself beautiful. Â I don’t want women to look and confide in outside things to make them happy. Â I don’t want women to drown in their own societal expectations and obligations and not be able to give one reason why they are amazing, worthy, and able. Â I saw SparklyWarTanks bigger.
Now this is my vision to make this, what I’m doing, bigger. Â I want to help.
I never felt like this before, ready to save the world. Â I hope I can make this something, something huge, something that can really influence the spread of self-love.
Some People’s Purpose is to Break your Heart
Some People’s Purpose is to Break Your Heart
It’s one of those nights where my brains ability to reminisce creates uncomfortable memory recovery. Where I do not understand why some people have come and gone in seconds, some in months, and some in years. I learned that not everyone is meant to stay in your life, they’re just meant to teach you lessons, but it also occurred to me that some people are just meant to break your heart. I’m not only talking about the casual break up with a significant partner, but also family and friends. Some people enter your life to break you down—some short term and others long term. In other instances they will just leave while others will linger then leave eventually. Some will even care then stop caring.
This realization has made me, yet again, afraid to create new bonds and friendships but hopeful of the possibility to create and learn from new experiences at the same time. Life has a way of masking hurt and pain by revealing those wounds into experiences that you would not have witnessed otherwise. I’ve had a fair share, I would say, of rejections and disappointments of people who said they cared but didn’t and a whole lot of self hatred because of it, but I learned (even though those incidents still haunt me in the deep hours of the night) how to appreciate myself and my own company.
Don’t let the illusion of brokenness from people who’s purpose in your life was to break your heart keep you from becoming yourself.
Try to let go of past relationships that didn’t work out. It will take time and probably a lot of tears, but someone else is waiting and they will come with purpose to build you up, stay, push you, and help you get to your power and worth.
Don’t allow past actions of other people to keep you from becoming, teaching, and building those you encounter. You are not alone.
Be great and be yourself. That’s all that is necessary.
War zone Quote: Thank You
Thank You Note on My Trending Stories
I pose a toast to everything that has killed me inside and out, that I never let it take over or make my insanity show. I won’t break down and let my wombs seep out with desperation. I won’t crash and burn at the sight of my biggest fear showing it’s face at the doors of my desires and dreams. I will constantly fight until I’m able to do everything and anything it takes to get me where I need to be.
Thank you to the struggle, without you I promise I wouldn’t know what breakthrough feels like. The breakthrough that has shown me that I’m strong enough and well enough to do whatever I was afraid to do. Thank you to those long nights where I couldn’t sleep, or those mornings I felt would never come. Thank you to pain I felt with every rejection and betrayal. Thank you to those moments I felt of freedom, joy, and peace. Thank you to silent moments of war and every victory. Thank you to sleep and relaxation. Thank you to support and love. Thank you for self-realization and self-acceptance. Thank you for words that become actions and lessons.
Thank you.
Thank you to the struggle, without you I promise I wouldn’t know what breakthrough feels like.
A False Saying: Expect what you DeserveÂ
It bothers me that people actually think that they shouldn’t expect happiness and kindness once they’ve done something great. It bothers me that people don’t expect for others to care and love them back. Whats the point of loving if your not going to receive love back? It’s not about materiel expectation but having a will to give back and keep being great. Sometimes it gets discouraging to always be the one to step up and be the bigger person. Sometimes you just want to see someone else care as much as you do. You want to see someone else extend a hand when you need them too. You should be able to expect love to come back when all you’ve been doing is putting it out. It’s not fair that this world has taught us that we shouldn’t expect goodness to come out of goodness. We shouldn’t stop expecting, we should be dissapointed in people saying we should stop expecting.
SparklyWarTanks 