Category: Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration

Posted in Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Self-Talk, Videos

I Set Free My Quarantined Sanity

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

My nerves spilled and scattered on the pavement

I couldn’t gather them as I trudged and dragged my exhaustion to class that day

Last October

I carried what I could of last night’s sleep, maybe 3 hours, and the anxiety, a monster growing in the pit of my stomach drowning me till the world seemed like a blurry smudge painting

My last year of college came to me like a ton of bricks delivered to my front doorstep

My life turned into a war since I started to worry

Every

Single

Moment

Of

Every

Single

Day

My perfectionist tendencies paired with the thoughts of deadlines…no motivation…and a fear of tomorrow.  It made a nice soup ready for panic, don’t you think?

I stirred myself daily but still seemed to make it to every class, do every assignment, and manage a research project

That’s how I was last year

I sat in a office with a woman I told myself to maybe once a week hoping that my fear of living will transform into something else 

That’s how I was last year

When I reminisce and think back, I feel how I felt, that numb yet nervous feeling

I can still feel it there, lingering 

Last year, I didn’t want to wake up to the sun rising and I didn’t triumph for completing 3 years of college

Instead…

I dreaded the thought of every day coming, long days turning into long nights, a hungry stomach, and the quarantine I built around my sanity

That was last year

I don’t know how I seemed to make it a whole year later though 

In the midst of the strains and labor pains of reality, I managed to give birth to a project

This project spiraled in me October of 2015 until it was born

I named her SparklyWarTanks

I made her to fight back 

To win the war

To let my sanity free

Every time I wrote something I saved myself and I took another ingredient out of the soup 

I typed, pounded my fingers on my keyboard, to explain the motive for the birth of something new in me

I wanted to save another woman’s life while saving my own too

I wanted to burst out and say:

“Take care of yourself, take care of your mind, and your body!”

“You are important and you matter.”

“You are powerful and worthy, and beautiful.  You don’t need anyone to tell you.”

Of course those were messages I needed someone to tell me, but instead I became the billboard

The more I wrote, the more I felt the walls crumbling, the walls crowding and containing my sanity were falling

I found the key to the cage of my anxiety which surrounded my quarantined sanity

In october of 2016, grown into an adult, SparklyWarTanks evolved into a vision, into a foundation for women empowerment and mental health, one project exploded into a space, a place, a sanctuary to be safe

My anxiety transformed its face into the partner of ideas and the employer of a plan, it turned into passion.
So as I write, I write to the woman who hates herself and to the one with depression, I write to the woman with the eating disorder and to the ones living on the streets, I’m writing to the ones going through a midlife crisis and self-realization, I write to the mother and to the survivor, I write to the women who hurt and the ones who are stressed, I write to the powerful women and the ones making a difference, I write to the lawyers, and doctors, and writers, and motivators, and to our future

I write to support our next generation of women

That we stand up for ourselves and never hold our sanity hostage

That we declare our independence from expectation and perfectionism

That we defend ourselves and fight for our will to wake up peacefully and unafraid

If I could sum up how I’ve changed from last year to this year, I would simply say

I let my sanity free

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration

New Year Same Me

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

This year is not a year of new things, its a year of continuation. We keep telling ourselves that we will start something and we never do. We tell ourselves things will be different but yet we stay the same. Why is that? Instead of feeding ourselves false dreams and goals, a new illusion, we should instead tell ourselves we must let go what holds us back and keep doing what keeps us going. We must do more of our passions and work on taking away our miseries. Our goals should build based on what we already accomplished and not add to the list of unaccomplished empty nothingness. This year is a year we work with ourselves. We love ourselves. We care for ourselves. Do things that we have to do.

This is the year we put ourselves first before anyone else because we are important too. This year will start a series of connections and links that will build to a point where we can’t be put down over the same tired circumstances and situations.

This year is a year of continuous building and tearing. We’ve been through a transition, now we work with the change.

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Posted in Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Power, Quotes

Freedom Quote: Ignite Your Power

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

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I felt it bubbling inside, so I locked it away

It felt like a monster waiting to show its face

When I took out my pen and started to write, there it was again

The monster, my passion, my power it was locked within

I’m still afraid to let it out, I have to keep it in

Who knows what will happen when I let it roam free

I can’t let that monster out, the power inside of me

 

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Quotes

Let Love in Again 

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

I see how hurt changed you and made you block happiness from coming in. I see how your mannerisms have shifted and how you act like nothing will ever be different. But you see, something good will happen and it will be just for you. Let it in when it does. Pain and hurt shouldn’t last forever. Letting it persist is a choice. Whatever it is, whatever has happened, whatever they did, let it go, don’t blame or push away good that’s coming to you. You have to be happy. You have to let the opportunity in, for your sake. You need to set yourself free from that misery.  Let love in. Let it help you feel again.

Posted in Confessions, Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration

The Girl in the Shadow: Introduction

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

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Here is an introduction to a series of short stories I will write.  The Girl in the Shadow is a part of my creative process to grasp and understand what its like to be an introvert and an empath.  Two new concepts to me.  Also a part of SparklyWarTanks’ Writing to Heal, this writing will be both encouraging, bazaar, fictional, and autobiographical.  She is something new to me.

And I tell the story of the girl in the shadow. She sees and feels everything, from the hurts that you feel to the tears that have dried away. She encourages those who are often forgot about and left to decay in their own sad minds and weary souls. She tells the stories of those left behind and outcast. 

Shes in the shadows observing.  Shes an introvert but feels all that is around her, the vibration of the strangers, the betrayal of friends, and struggles of her family.  She’s empathic and can’t help but know the emotions and strains of those around her. An energy she can’t escape.  She’s been running for so long, but now she just sits, watches, and writes.  She writes down the emotions and hurt, and flips it.  She carries with her in silent prayers the promised happiness and hope lost and buried with the dead end situation and crusted forgiveness. She’s the stranger rooting for you and the one who cries when you find yourself lonely. She feels for you when you feel the most alone. She knows how it feels. No one sees her either. 

She’s learning what it means to be outside and to be strange.  To not fit in. She’s learning what love is, and hate, and fear.  She’s learning pain, and grief, and depression and anxiety.  She’s learning what’s shes known all her life except this time she sees it in other people. 

The Girl in The Shadow Introduction

Posted in Confessions, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love

Excerpt From my “Blood Honesty” Portion of SWT Writing Therapy

Posted on by SparklyWarTanks

 

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So I’m in the process of adding a new portion of SWT writing called “Blood Honesty.” This will be a collection of therapy writing, creative writing pieces and reflections that helps me recall memories that has come up over and over. I relate how these memories have boiled into hurt and how I operate with people. This writing will be in my next book project “Writing to Heal: Power of Written Word.”

This is an excerpt from a Blood Honesty post that I wrote on November 27th:

The concept of love is so underrated, mixed and confused with all emotions felt by people. But love, real love, unconditional love felt by someone that doesn’t have to love you is deep, its true, and its the most genuine of human emotion and character.  When real love happens, when you see it unravel in the ways that it works wholeheartedly is profound, complicated, confusing, and impossibly possible (now you know why people cling to the trope and figure of Jesus Christ). It’s this idea that makes people want to live longer.  It’s this concept of love despite the fear of disappointment and inevitable death that keeps and makes peace and inclusivity possible.  The absence of love causes mental health issues and division, just like the absence of light is darkness and loneliness.  Conditional love (masked emotional confusions and uncertainty ), the love that is so commonly mistaken for unconditional love (genuine love) is what we don’t know how to feel or what to do when we feel it (unless its from a parent or guardian to a child which can still have complication).  How crazy it sounds that this can be felt by us, by people, especially people who are different, is what we need (and what is taught in every central religion essentially) that people don’t understand and cant contemplate. We need this love toward each other, everyone, not just people who are like us or share similar ideological, political, or religious views.  We need love despite what separates us and what makes us distant from one another. We need love.  Unconditional love.