I’ve spent most of this year grieving, feeling like I lost so much. Chasing after validation and the affection of other people’s presence. Wondering where I went wrong, why I felt so alone, and why I wasn’t worthy or couldn’t be worthy of the love I so desperately thought I needed.
Twelve months in and I finally understand why I was placed in a space where I couldn’t go anywhere but into myself. I’ve faced and battled with the uglier parts of me, one part being the thoughts of unworthiness largely due to how the little girl inside of me felt.
She thought that no one loved her and she wasn’t good enough just as she was. She thought that she had to change and shift into what others liked so she can finally be accepted and finally feel love, too.
But, I’ve sat with that little girl and told her that she’s more than worthy of all the love that’s out there WITHOUT having to change or hide one single thing about herself. She can enjoy organizing, and reading books, learning, trying new things, and comfort items… so many comfort items! She can be scared and feel all her feelings. She can be sensitive because that 100% OK. She can be creative and show love to others. She can be goofy and tell funny jokes. She can even make mistakes and feel uncomfortable, too. She can stand up for herself, work on her relationships and be loved while STILL BEING 100% herself.
I want that little girl to know that I love her. I know she still gets scared sometimes. I want her to trust me when I tell her that I got us and she doesn’t have to be scared anymore. That we are powerful and stepping into our season of deserving.
Affirmation and intention for 2023: I am a celebration. I am worthy of love and love flows to me effortlessly. I don’t chase, I attract. I am a magnet for abundance. I release any and everything that isn’t a part of my higher purpose. I am walking in my power.
In the process of growth we may come to a standstill in whether we want or are able to face the trauma inside of ourselves. We become afraid of feeling the feelings that are repressed. In those moments we ask ourselves, what do I do with this pain? Unprocessed pain manifests as disease, disorders, attachments, triggers, habits, negativity and other blockages that show us a lack or need in the energy within us. So what, in turn, do we do with the pain in our bodies? We must release it. We are not meant to suffer and hold on to pain for long periods of time. If we survived the process of enduring this pain we are also able to alchemize it. Standing in our power allows us to transform and create something new in the process of releasing the pain that we may be holding. We are the creators of our own realities.
Alchemize your pain and transform into the indestructable being you are. Stand in your power. Allow the pain to be transformed in your favor. Learn the lesson and release the blockage. The lesson turns into an increase in awareness. You have all the abilities to do so. Pain does not define you and does not have to define or dictate your life.
You know what you need to do to get where you need to go. Step into your power as you tune into your awareness. Believe in your ability to make good decisions. It’s okay to make mistakes, mistakes are staircases to knowledge and understanding. Learn and listen. Pay attention. You got it. There’s no need to doubt yourself.
Without the hustle and bustle of an everyday routine of “work, ” it can become draining and confusing to figure out what purpose means. Because we’re used to linking who we are to what we “do” we often forget that we aren’t what we do, we simply…are. We exist and that, in itself, is purpose.
Awareness of the present “self” is appreciating all that “we are” in the absence of work. Who are we when we are not working or performing tasks? How can we bask in the simplicity of being?
Note: Focusing our attention on “doing” dictates our actions and goals to define success as accomplishments achieved only by something we can perform through our behaviors and actions. Therefore, when we are not actively “doing” much of anything we lose our sense of self and purpose. Shifting our focus to “being” allows us to appreciate existing when we are not/cannot “do” anything.
Acknowledging that we have worth and value, not because of “what” we do but because of “who” we are (already) helps us to understand our fundamental “being.”
Affirmation Challenge: When waking up every morning, begin by affirming and manifesting the words, “I am.” By understanding that “doing” doesn’t define purpose, we can view our expectations of ourselves with gentleness, approaching each day with gratitude and grace. Existing and living how best we can outweigh the constant assumption of having to do more to fill our sense of self.
Reminder: It’s okay if some days are difficult to even get out of bed. Those days are our “being” days. It’s okay to focus on being.