Posted in Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration

Self-Realization

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I was scared of my deepened sadness and pessimism

I was scared when I started to panic

I was scared when my shadow was resurrecting itself from the depths of my regression

The ways I wanted to perfect myself in the mirror or I would hate how I looked

The ways I didn’t believe anymore

The way I felt what everyone else was feeling

The anger I felt when they said I couldn’t

The tendencies

The habits

I locked myself in my room

I closed my door

I stood by myself

Myself was coming out

I wanted to lock her back in my psyche

I realized that who she is who I am

I wanted to swallow her in myself

Again

It’s better not to cope in that way…

Cope with regression

Instead of coping with progression

I learned that she is me

The me who was a step ahead of who I was

I read the note she wrote me when she came out

I am dangerous

I am who you are

The girl who is unafraid

Unafraid of the unknown ahead

Because you don’t know who I am

But I know who you are

And it’s time for that girl to wake up a woman

A woman who is unapologetically in control of herself

And nothing will make her afraid of every part of herself that she once hid away from reality

She is you and you can’t hide her anymore

I am here and I am you

Digest the words…

Control

Power

Peace

Perseverance

and beginning

This is a beginning

Posted in Bulletins, Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Power, Self-Talk

Bulletin Board February 2017: Perseverance and Confidence

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February has been a month of inner confidence and perseverance despite self-discouragement, but also a month of continued change and progress.  Perseverance is the one thing that will show your strength in troubled situations and continuous turmoil.  The more you push through and work even when you’re tired and dreary, the more you convince yourself that what you’re doing is worth it, then you will always persevere through it.  Your power is limitless once you continue overcoming everything that’s placed in your way. Normality might get in your way, negativity might get in your way, self-doubt, self-hate, lack of finances, lack of motivation all might get in your way, but overcoming those obstacles will build someone not phased by downfalls, but someone who stands and faces any challenge.

Posted in Confessions, The Mighty, What Just Happened: Personal Anecdotes

SparklyWarTanks on The Mighty: When Depression and Anxiety Make Life a Waiting Game

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It’s been three months since I wrote “When Depression and Anxiety Make Life a Waiting Game” and three months has changed me drastically since I decided to publish it on The Mighty. I was ashamed and embarrassed for a long time about this reality and often denied the possibility of mental struggle being real for me. Being vulnerable about this has been unreal, but I finally put myself out there and started to deal with it especially after college. I’m proud of myself for coming to terms with this. I feel much better now than before and still have a long way to go.  SparklyWarTanks has helped me in every way and look forward to managing my The Mighty profile along with SparklWarTanks, continuing the healing and bettering process for myself.

Contine to journey with me.

 

 

 

Posted in Confessions, Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Potential and Worth, Power, Quotes, Self-Talk

A Personal Confession on SoundCloud

These words came with tears so I hope you can sympathize.  This is depth therapy:

Lately I’ve really been hating my body but through the lens of my mind coming out my eyes.  A portal of perspective.  Hear me out.

This is not one of those “pick your head up because things will get better” but a “this is a real life struggle kid so learn from it” pieces so look at this…

Just one picture can twist the notion of a once fooled concept of self-acceptance because you thought you began to love “the skin your in” but the reality of it is…

the concept is once you begin it can never regress but my regression looks so good it resembled progression like walking backwards I wanted to say “I love you” but instead I said…

I thought I got over the feeling that my thighs are not the size of the American dream or the white picket fence or the its not what it seems, but its the rugged and thick concept of oppression and prejudice, the judgemental reality that not all words are the truth or not all smiles signify happiness but covering up the reality because the sacred is watching you, you want to see the day where the light is so bright that all this will soon fade away into an oblivious sense of brainwashing…

I thought I would wake up and it would be one of those dreams where you were running from a symbol of your subconscious fears but its not because the tears were real and so were those people

The ones that said that they want you and would stay, but that was just you talking to yourself because you have to really learn to mean what you say in your head like I will start that today and I will end that tomorrow but you don’t…

Instead you give excuses and let your self-talk ruin your self-image constantly digging the hole you call home 

But this ends today

The body that was once in ruins under the ashes like pompeii will rise and become the volcano that took you from existence.  You are no longer going extinct or becoming a personal museum for onlookers to talk or to taste but you will climb from your ashes into an unknown place.

You will not be scared to be strange or to not fit in because you are the one who is meant to change the existing archetypal skin, the status quo, and the origins.

Today marks a holiday where you declared your independance and come back from war, where you remembered what was and proclaim that your dead exterior will fall and let your new interior reveal itself.

You are not what you were yesterday and tomorrow you will be better than right now. So if you hate your body now, start the process to make that perception change tomorrow.

If you were looking for your purpose in life stop looking because its to be who you are to the people you encounter.  There’s no other purpose but to continuously labor on yourself even if that means sleepless night and uncomfortable situations.  

Life is not meant to work for others, but to work on yourself in the pursuit to become something that will shatter negativity, punch fear in the face and to help others in that same process.

You have work to do so I suggest you take one day at a time to appreciate all that you are because no one will be ready for the power that will be you in the future.

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Posted in Creative Writing, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration

Crazy

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Sometimes she liked the sound glass made when it hit the ground
There’s something about shattered glass that made her crazy seem less chaotic
Her crazy made darkness into indigo and blood blossom into dripping roses
Her crazy dead in the silence of the morning moisture, laying wide eyes under the red white and orange horizon, flat on her back a new cycle of 24, her crazy
Her crazy stiff like paralysis untouchable, unlike the craziness around her,
unique
numbness
How crazy was she that she dreamt and the ideas in her head jumbled into a mush of oblivion beauty, how the meadows were such a fresh green scent, a bed of flowers rushing out of her veins and out of into the concrete, making cities back into forests
The nature in the natural
Crazy
How she saw death caress the goosebumps of the morning fears but life coming to rescue and recreating, the crazy came again, and lately confusion is normality
The thing about crazy is its many masks of reality, like Plato in the cave, our ignorance so bliss we can cut it with a knife, staring at our own illusions and unable to see
The light
The gray in the black and white
She was crazy
She didn’t believe anymore, the ink in the lies, feeding her the spoon of perceived truth, but was it really truth?
She spat out depression and threw up anxiety because deception caused the stigma that she was crazy
Mental illness was what they said caused her hesitancy because her ignorance before walked her down the aisle of matrimony, but reality divorced her, nothing is definite and she can’t trust
Now she is just crazy
The color in the black and white
The unanswerable questions
The abyss of uncertainty
Sometimes she liked the sound glass made when it hit the ground
There’s something about shattered glass that made her crazy seem less chaotic
Posted in Bulletins, Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Quotes

Bulletin Board January 2017: Control

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Be in control at all times.  Don’t allow anyone or anything control how you see or deal with a situation or circumstance. You know how to deal with struggle so allow your experiences to guide your moves and your mindset  Despite it getting difficult and tiring, relax and think everything through.  Control yourself! Don’t allow situations to bring out anger, bitterness, or resentment. Walk away if you have to.  You are in control.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Making Sense Analysis, Power, Quotes

Freedom Quote: Wage War on Invasive Thoughts

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5 Steps to winning the war against invasive thoughts.

Invade

Wage War

Win

Leave a Warning to Others

Walk Away

You have all the power and ability to change your mind and shift the negative energy and make it go away for good.  Don’t give the invasive thoughts the power to take over your mind and make you feel insane.  You are in charge of your sanity and negativity can not take your own autonomy and self-control.  Switch it up right when you feel it creeping up.  Don’t allow your mind to turn on itself.  You are in control.  You will always be in charge. Time to take back your mind. Declare the war. You will win.

Posted in Keep Moving: Motivation and Inspiration, Love, Potential and Worth, Quotes, Self-Care

WarZone Quote: You Will Always Have a Choice

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Don’t unpack your bags in a place that will harm your progress and make you feel like you don’t deserve better.  Settling in dangerous territory will only open your wombs and create chaos in your mind. Better is always and will always be an option.  Staying in toxic places and situations is a step backwards.  Move forward in your already achieved progress.  Don’t put your things down until you know its for your betterment.