This image is a #Repost from Facebook.
So this post appeared on my Facebook feed and allowed me to reflect on the previous conversations I’ve had with my therapist. Conversations centered around relationship-building, relationship maintenance, and relationship termination. Relationship in this sense is defined by any bond I make with who I’ve come to encounter.
Relationships (whether platonic or romantic) are complex and whether we choose to remain in such interactions with others is what we have control over. We have control over who we surround ourselves with.
Still, while in my current frustrations, I’ve realized my habit of “holding space” although torn between whether im valued or thus appreciated in such bonds. When do I draw a line between moving past and holding space? In what ways can I hold space while also ensuring my needs are met and I feel the relationship is benefiting both parties?
Holding space is a form of love and acceptance. And while this year, in particular, has shown me my own strength in my “space holding” capacities, I do value this part of me. I hold space because I love my friends, family (actual, internet, from school or in other instances) and I choose to make room for them. Make room in how I love and support those who’ve shown me vulnerable parts of them.
And yes. Making space isn’t easy as everyone is different and I can’t control others’ “space holding” capacities, only my own. To become frustrated and rash is how I’ve come to include my own needs and put myself in the equation too. Holding space doesn’t mean I won’t get frustrated, triggered, or annoyed. Neither does it mean I’ll abandon myself in pursuit of others’ needs, but I still will make space as well as hold space.
To the people that I love and cherish, there is always space for you. I love you and will always have space in my love for you. If we’ve fallen out or hurt one another in some ways I still have space and I’m rooting for you wherever you are. If we’ve just got to meet one another and getting to know the complexities of one another’s character, my space is here and isn’t going anywhere. And as I hold space for others, my only desire is that others will also hold a space for me.