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Tag: 100 notes
SWT 100 Notes: Note 25 A Grieving Heart
While life is continuously challenged and confused by the reality of death and pain, the grieving heart will grieve until life shows its face again.
SWT 100 Notes: Note 23
Things haven’t been good mentally. Sometimes I envy those who don’t struggle mentally, how peaceful and calming that must be? Some days are better than others, but today wasnt one of those days.
Currently in a troubled existance. In the need of good vibes. Been a battle to write or do anything constructive. January 2018 hasn’t been good to me. Going to keep moving anyway.
**Note from January 18th.
SWT 100 Notes: Note 21
Note 21: Listen to one another. Respect each others persective. Learn why they’ve developed that perspective. Talk. Create an understanding of different realities. Become changed. Open your mind.
It’s not enough to hear someone. Listen to what they have to say. Understand them. Changed perspective will grow your mind and create empathy in the way you interact with people who are different from you.
Changed perspective creates peace and justice. Open yourself up to understand.
SWT 100 Notes: Note 20
Note 20: Yesterday I probably had the worst anxiety attack I’ve had in a couple months and in the wake of that reality another struggle has also come up from the ashes. I haven’t felt depressed in a while, but today its come back like it never left. The negative thoughts and reminders, the constant nagging of hopelessness and lonliness, and the feeling to isolate myself all came back.
When this happens I have to write something, reminding myself that my life is worth it, and I have a purpose even though I think otherwise. I have to tell myself that some people do care about my existance and I should keep on living.
Even though its difficult to be right now I have to remind myself that life is something precious and sacred. I am beautiful. I matter. I am a life worth living.
SWT 100 Notes: Note 18
Note 18: I’ve realized that being tired is a part of being an adult especially when you’re trying to create yourself. Even when you’re really tired, however, you can always create something. You can create something big or something small. Let your creativity flow even when you’re exhausted.
SWT 100 Notes: Note 17
I was lost
For a little while
I was broken by the big vision and the big dreams
I didn’t think I can do it…
Me
I was lost from the notion that I wasn’t getting anyway
That the road was too narrow and me, too big…I got tired
But im back again
To fight some more…
I don’t want to be lost anymore
SWT 100 Notes: Note 16
And so my self-awareness journey is great as I notice recurring patterns, in my actions and behavior, for when I can feel myself falling back into unhealthy ways of coping. I know when things aren’t going so well and need to take a step back. That time has come. It’s time I motivate myself to stand up, breathe, and take a break. As I would usually go into hiding at this stage, I won’t. I will declare that I can do this. I can get past this. I can and I will. I won’t give up and I will take care of myself. Even though I can see all the peoples faces staring at my struggle, not understanding the fears and pain that I face, I will care for myself above all. I will see myself as valid and dismiss any negative energy pushing me away from being better. I can. I can do this.
SWT 100 Notes: Note 15
It’s been a tiring, difficult couple months. First time after college having to actively try to live and explain to people why your health is important and why you have to actually take care of yourself. Its difficult putting into words how in the past overworking and overwhelming yourself lead to almost getting pushed over the edge with just a tiny hint of thoughts and images of what it would be like not to be alive. How it would be a miracle to ask for help or ask for someone to show some type of sympathy because you don’t feel as crazy as you did before. How seeing that your well being is not important in the slightest to anyone else so you have to put your well being first and yell from the top of your lungs that your life matters.
It’s been so tiring having to explain that you just want to be able to manage life just a little, to feel happy just a little, and to feel peace just a little because every day of your life has been a war. You just want a break. Just one break.
SWT 100 Notes: Note 14
This is about a cash register and how the dinging of the change in the drawers became dinging in my head as I saw too many people coming and asking too many questions about the same things.
This is about a cash register and how the cash button on the screen makes the drawer bash into my stomach where insanity was brewing.
This is about a cash register and how all the bills would pile up and I would just count them but the numbers always go over. They spill over.
This is about a cash register and how slowly I would make up in my head all the things that could go wrong and the questions I don’t have answers too, a dark room is created.
The cash register.
The buttons.
The combinations.
The prices.
I stand there, all day. I have no where to go so I stand…at the cash register.
The questions. All the questions.
The people. All the people.
The fear. All the anxiety, it just fills my stomach with a monster. A little monster.
SparklyWarTanks 