Pulling back from giving 100%. Pulling back from helping and empathizing. Pulling back to save myself, to save my energy. From doing everything. I’m pulling back because I see and I feel too much. I hope too much, I love too much. I pull back because I care…too much. I’m tired so I have to pull back. I can feel it, pulling myself back. It’s really uncomfortable, but in order to not panic or stress out from overexerting myself, I pull back.
Motivation for this post:
Note 9: While I’m waiting for my mighty story to get published on my explanation of what anxiety has been like for me, I’ll simply write this note on the importance and awareness of those who struggle mentally.
It isn’t fun to have any mental illness, but for me specifically anxiety has been at its worse. Overthinking, believing the negative thoughts, driving myself insane, its not intentional or a joke. At times its just dormant like its gone and as soon as a trigger comes, it awakens like a beast in its sleep. But, I would have to say that nothing is impossible and having new experiences coming my way has challenged me to learn to react to triggers. That in itself has helped and progressed me in my mental health healing.
As I continuously see mental health awareness come more and more out in the open, I would like to encourage those who struggle with their mental health to get help if you need to. Talk to someone. The person doesn’t even have to be a professional. Talk to someone who loves you. I’m always here to talk too! Don’t drown in the darkness of your mind.
Note 8: Money seems to be the motivation for people being in specific situations or having certain jobs. Money seems to be the reason why people do things to others (good or bad), but since having been employed for around 2 months now, I noticed that money doesn’t motivate me. Deciding to be happy and stable emotionally, mentally, and physically is more important and if the job im doing isn’t doing that then its time to move on and do something thats better for me no matter how good I might be getting paid. After graduating I noticed that I never put myself first, I always put my studies over my own well being but that stops now and forever. If I see that something isn’t helping me improve or aid in the growth of my positive self-image I need to move on.
Surface even at your lowest point. Surface when everything is caving in. Surface because there is no where to go but up, toward the surface. Where power is, and opportunity. Go to where there is healing.
She is becoming and no one can stop her progress. She is transforming, becoming something more than she ever imagined. Like the butterfly, she built her cocoon, but before anyone could realize how long shes been away, she broke out, starting from her mind, her old ways shedding like a snake’s scales, away and left like old news. She is becoming. She has made herself into something great. From the scars of her psyche, to the bruises pounding her heart, she made it. Althought she wanted to sit and enjoy the evergreens of complacency, she got up, and there she started her process…of becoming.
I saw myself change in a matter of a year. The transformation drastic. I can recognize who I am now, when before it was blurry. With the change came progress and opportunities. With opportunities came decisions. As I sit between my past and my future, I can’t help to see the beauty in the collision between the darkness and the light. I still have what I was in me, but as I grow farther from it, I see the lesson, and that lesson is the mist. The light is waiting to take over the rest.