I will continue to love and live. I will not look behind me. I will continue to look forward.
And so my self-awareness journey is great as I notice recurring patterns, in my actions and behavior, for when I can feel myself falling back into unhealthy ways of coping. I know when things aren’t going so well and need to take a step back. That time has come. It’s time I motivate myself to stand up, breathe, and take a break. As I would usually go into hiding at this stage, I won’t. I will declare that I can do this. I can get past this. I can and I will. I won’t give up and I will take care of myself. Even though I can see all the peoples faces staring at my struggle, not understanding the fears and pain that I face, I will care for myself above all. I will see myself as valid and dismiss any negative energy pushing me away from being better. I can. I can do this.
Thank you for painting my litte monster. It makes me less fearful of my actual anxiety.
Sooo I just got rejected a job opportunity again. I’m feeling a bit frustrated, a bit trapped, a bit discouraged. Feeling like I’m not good enough…again. Feeling like I probably should have killed myself more in undergrad with internships or other jobs. Feeling a bit drained and tired in my current state.
But I will keep pushing. Keep striving. Maybe someone will see my passion and motivation someday, sometime in the field that I feel most passionate about. Going through a tough moment, but I will bounce back. I will keep trying my best. Trying to not get consumed by the rejection is the hardest, but I’m going to use it as a point of reference.
Rejection is good. That opportunity wasn’t for you. Whats for you will accept you with open arms especially when its in line with your passions. Keep trying. Keep pushing.
Note 11 is a bit lengthy but I feel its something that needs to be expressed and talked about. In the wake of current race wars, clashes of political views, and being on the brink of total chaos, brings up the issue of being uncomfortable with living and coexisting with people who are different in environments that are culturally diverse. Its time to realize that there is no need to hate or fear those who are different. Sit and learn from those who challenge or contradict your way of living. Although it will be uncomfortable, moments of clarity when opening up perspective only benefits you in the long run. Transformation and knowledge only comes when placed in circumstances that challenge your point of view. Hate is dangerous, infectious, and unnecessary. We all can learn from the experiences of one another and that learning process never ends. Just because there hasn’t been any studies or documentation of a persons experiences based on popular opinion doesn’t means its invalid or untrue. Sit and listen. There is so much we can learn from one another. There are things that happen that some don’t know about and things that need to be said that aren’t being talked about. There is always space to dialogue about the things that are going on respectfully without undermining or demeaning the lives of the people who are underrepresented (especially).