Build and grow. Support yourself. Be patient with your process and progress. Work and build. Become someone. Become yourself.
Note 20: Yesterday I probably had the worst anxiety attack I’ve had in a couple months and in the wake of that reality another struggle has also come up from the ashes. I haven’t felt depressed in a while, but today its come back like it never left. The negative thoughts and reminders, the constant nagging of hopelessness and lonliness, and the feeling to isolate myself all came back.
When this happens I have to write something, reminding myself that my life is worth it, and I have a purpose even though I think otherwise. I have to tell myself that some people do care about my existance and I should keep on living.
Even though its difficult to be right now I have to remind myself that life is something precious and sacred. I am beautiful. I matter. I am a life worth living.
And so my self-awareness journey is great as I notice recurring patterns, in my actions and behavior, for when I can feel myself falling back into unhealthy ways of coping. I know when things aren’t going so well and need to take a step back. That time has come. It’s time I motivate myself to stand up, breathe, and take a break. As I would usually go into hiding at this stage, I won’t. I will declare that I can do this. I can get past this. I can and I will. I won’t give up and I will take care of myself. Even though I can see all the peoples faces staring at my struggle, not understanding the fears and pain that I face, I will care for myself above all. I will see myself as valid and dismiss any negative energy pushing me away from being better. I can. I can do this.
Thank you for painting my litte monster. It makes me less fearful of my actual anxiety.